


Beautifully Irrational

by ellebeedarling



Category: Mass Effect
Genre: Angst, Babies, Explicit Language, Explicit Sexual Content, F/M, Fluff, Pregnancy, Romance, Smut, Unplanned Pregnancy
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-02-21
Updated: 2017-04-11
Packaged: 2018-09-26 02:39:20
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 16
Words: 33,072
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/9858299
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/ellebeedarling/pseuds/ellebeedarling
Summary: Believing it to be impossible, John and Karin find out they're having a baby. The middle of a war isn't the best time, but they may never get another chance.





	1. Morning Sickness

**Author's Note:**

  * For [MrWar1](https://archiveofourown.org/users/MrWar1/gifts).



> I had this idea after reading Green Fruit by Recidiva (which is an amazing story, btw! better than mine! read it here: http://archiveofourown.org/works/6634219/chapters/15178723 ) 
> 
> I wrote it months ago, but it was just sitting on my computer until MrWar1 contacted me and asked if I'd consider writing just such a story, so here we are. 
> 
> Lots of fluffiness ahead, plus all the emotions that go along with expecting your first child. This is a fun and lighthearted story. I hope you enjoy! 
> 
> Expect updates at least once per week. 
> 
> Title is from a quote by Bill Cosby - "Having a child is surely the most beautifully irrational act that two people in love can commit."
> 
> FYI - I really suck at summaries... sheesh!

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Karin wakes up with a stomach virus, and John has a hard time convincing her to take care of herself.

Shepard stirs in his sleep, realizing that there's a strange sound emanating from somewhere in the cabin as he gains consciousness. He blearily peers at the opposite side of the bed and finds it empty. With a frown, he rises, stumbling toward the bathroom, and the source of the noise. Tapping lightly, he calls to her, “Karin, honey, are you alright?”

 

More retching sounds from within, and he doesn't wait for her to answer before palming the door and stepping inside. The sight that greets him breaks his heart a little. Karin's head is hanging over the toilet, forehead pressed against her arm. Stomach viruses are no fun. Stomach viruses while stuck on a duty tour are even less fun. Stomach viruses while stuck on a duty tour in the middle of a war that there is no taking a break from would have to be the worst.

 

She starts to speak, but another wave of nausea overtakes her, and she's emptying her stomach once more. “Go away,” she pleads when it's over. “I don't want you to see me like this.”

 

John frowns, “Karin, you've seen me worse.”

 

“I'm a doctor. I'm used to seeing worse.”

 

“Honey, I see worse on a daily basis!”

 

“Not from me. There is nothing sexy or romantic about seeing your lover with her head in the toilet.”

 

Squatting beside her, he smooths his hand over her back in soothing circles. “Being in love isn't always about wine and roses and sex, honey. Sometimes it's about taking care of the person you love, and I do love you. You know that. This doesn't bother me, you know. I want to help you.”

 

Karin gives him an almost smile but is hit with the nausea again. “John please...” she whimpers, and he isn't sure if she's asking for him to go away or for his help. Well, he'll be damned if he's going to leave her alone like this.

 

John waits patiently for her to finish then flushes the detritus away, retrieving a wet washcloth to cleanse her face, and pouring her a glass of water to rinse her mouth with. “Do you want a shower or just to go back to bed?”

 

“Shower,” she says weakly, tears streaming down her cheeks. His lips press softly against her forehead, and he hits the switch for the shower then strips off her negligee. He steps in with her, holding her body close against his own and willing it not to react to her soft skin on his. They stand like this for several minutes, letting the water soothe her nerves before he washes her tenderly, careful not to make his actions overtly sexual. That's not what this is about; it's about taking care of her. When he's finished, he dries her off and tugs one of his Alliance t-shirts – that is so large on her it almost fits like a nightgown – over her head and tucks her back into bed. “I'm going to go get you some peppermint tea. Do you want to try to keep down some oatmeal?”

 

She groans at the thought of oatmeal, and he chuckles. “Tea it is,” he says and kisses her cheek. “I love you.”

 

“I love you too, John.... Thank you.”

 

“My pleasure.”

 

There are already nine hundred problems waiting for him when he makes his way into the mess hall. Not the least of which is Vega, who seems to have an infected eye. He'd been hit in the face with a blast of dirt and shrapnel on Benning a few days ago. Evidently something got in his eye, and now the damn thing is swollen shut. “Dr. Chakwas is sick,” Shepard says. “I'll have to get the night medic to pull a double today. Go on in there and wait while I get her.” He sets the water to boil for the tea, and goes into the crew quarters to wake the already sleeping Sergeant Novak. To her credit, the woman just gets up to do her duty without complaint. He's always appreciated that about the Normandy's crew.

 

He's waylaid five more times before he can get back to the elevator with the tea, and when he arrives in the cabin, he frowns to see Karin up and getting dressed. “Where are you going?” he asks, descending the short steps to the living area of the cabin and setting the tea on the nightstand.

 

“I'm feeling much better,” she announces. “I need to go to work and let Novak sleep.”

 

“She's already back in the med-bay tending Vega's eye. You need to rest. Not just for yourself, but to keep from spreading this virus. The last thing we need is everybody on the ship puking their guts out.”

 

She groans again and clutches her stomach, an he grimaces, muttering an apology before herding her back toward the bed. “I'm fine, John. I promise. Perhaps it was just something I ate. I'm not running a fever.”

 

He frowns at her. “Do I need to make it an order?”

 

She pouts. Dr. Karin Chakwas, the epitome of calm, collected, professionalism, actually pouts at him, and he can't help but laugh.

 

“You're a terrible patient,” he chides. “Get your ass back in the bed, doctor, before I pick you up and put you there myself.” He crosses his arms over his chest and gives her the look that means he will brook no opposition. Karin sighs and strips her pants back off, pulling his t-shirt back on and dutifully climbs back under the covers. “Never had this much trouble getting you into bed before,” he says, voice all low and husky in a way that has her stomach fluttering for entirely different reasons, and damn that smirk of his! “Tea is there. I'll be back to check on you in an hour or so,” he tells her, kissing her cheek. “Get some rest.”

 

**

 

John scowls when he enters the med-bay two hours later to find Dr. Chakwas sitting at her desk. He'd come to ask Novak about Vega's eye, chiefly, when the man would be cleared for duty again. “Karin?” His voice is the Commander's voice, not her lover's voice, and he sees her shoulders tense.

 

“I'm fine, John. Honestly. I feel right as rain. I'm chalking this morning up to a fluke.”

 

She won't quite meet his eyes, and he realizes he's glowering at her with his arms over his chest again. This is the way he looks at people when he's trying to cow them, and he never wants to do that to her. He forces himself to relax and kneels in front of her chair, bringing a hand up to caress her face. “I'm worried about you. That's what boyfriends do, you know.” His thumb brushes her lip, and she closes her eyes and leans into his touch.

 

“I'm fine, darling. I promise. If that changes, I'll let you know, but for now, there's too much to do to rest.”

 

He snorts. “I'm going to remember this the next time you're trying to force me to lie down and rest.”

 

“Usually you have a bullet wound when I'm trying to force you to rest. It's not quite the same.”

 

“Lucky for me, I have a good doctor to patch me up again.”

 

Her fingers grip his hand that's still resting on her cheek. “You're too good to me,” she whispers.

 

“That's my line. Promise me that you'll go lie down if you start feeling bad again?”

 

“Promise.”

 

Resigned that this is one argument he's not going to win without actually ordering her to bed, he sighs and stands, pressing his lips to hers gently on his way up. “I don't want to see you wearing yourself out,” he says, blue eyes full of concern.

 

“I don't want to see you do it either, but it doesn't stop you.” She winks at him, and he feels relieved to see her starting to act a little more normally.

 

“Do you want to try to eat something?”

 

She contemplates for a moment before shaking her head, and he kisses her once more before leaving her to her work.

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thanks for reading! I hope you enjoy!
> 
> Find me on tumblr: ellebeedarling.tumblr.com
> 
> Much love,   
> Elle


	2. Pregnant!

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Karin's stomach virus doesn't go away, and she and John have to make some difficult decisions.

After three straight days of waking to his lover vomiting, Shepard has moved beyond minor concern, to genuine fear that she may be seriously ill. They stand under the spray of the shower, and he holds her trembling body against him as she groans in misery. He racks his brain for reasons why she could be sick. No one else aboard the Normandy has complained of these types of symptoms. The mess sergeant has actually been turning out some fairly descent grub lately, and Hawkins has yet to treat everyone to food poisoning the way Gardener had on a terrifyingly regular basis.

 

“This is an odd virus,” he mumbles absently. “It only seems to make you sick in the mornings.”

 

They both tense, realization slamming like a krogan headbutt. He pulls her back to look into her green eyes, the same horror he feels twisting in his gut reflecting back at him. “Oh my god,” she gasps, hand flying to her mouth.

 

“Karin,” he says slowly, “are... could you... is there any way that...” He continues to flounder as he studies her, but in his heart of hearts, he knows he doesn't need to go any further. “Shit,” he mutters.

 

She sobs out his name, and he tries not to let the overwhelming sense of panic he's feeling project in his body language. “I... I'll take a test this morning,” she finally manages, and he simply gives her a curt nod, washing quickly and exiting the bathroom.

 

He's sitting on the foot of the bed, wrapped in a towel and staring at his hands when she comes out of the shower wearing nothing but a towel herself. She sits beside him, and he pulls her close with an arm around her shoulder, kissing her temple. They sit in silence like that – Shepard holding her close, forehead leaned against her temple – for several minutes before reaching a wordless agreement to get on with their day.

 

He kisses her goodbye at the elevator and heads to the war room, ignoring the crew. He can't focus on anything at the moment, and the words on his terminal scroll past in a blur. An hour later, there's still no word from her, and the team is filing in for their morning meeting. He's so distracted, he loses his train of thought mid-sentence four times before Vega calls him out on it.

 

“Hey, Loco, you alright? You don't look so good!”

 

“You're not coming down with that virus Chakwas has are you?” Williams asks.

 

 _If only_ , he thinks. “I... Sorry,” he says, rubbing his forehead. “Where were we?”

 

“Commander,” EDI interrupts before anyone can say anything else. “Dr. Chakwas is requesting your presence in the med-bay at your earliest convenience.”

 

“We'll do this later,” he says and runs out of the war room as fast as anyone has ever seen him move. The team stares after him dumbfounded for a few seconds before deciding to follow him to find out what the hell is going on.

 

**

 

John bursts into the med-bay, and his heart sinks when he sees Karin sitting at her desk with her head on her arms. He can hear her sniffling cries. “Karin?”

 

“Oh, John!” She rises and throws herself into his arms. “I can hardly believe it. I... I'm pregnant.”

 

With his hands on her shoulders, he pulls her back and looks into her eyes, hoping he doesn't look as pale as he feels. “Are you sure?” He asks stupidly, knowing that she wouldn't make a mistake about this. Karin simply nods, shifting closer to him again, and letting him envelop her in his strong arms. She sighs, and he doesn't miss the slight sob hitched onto the end of the breath. Lifting her to sit on the nearest exam table, he merely holds her in his arms as they both try to collect their thoughts.

 

“What are we going to do?” She asks at last.

 

“I... don't know,” he sighs, soothing his hands up and down her back. “How did this happen? I thought you...”

 

“So did I,” she says. “I don't understand this. John, I'm too old to have a baby!”

 

He chuckles. “Not too old,” he assures her. “This may be the worst timing in the history of ever, but... you're obviously not too old.”

 

She looks up at him with tears glistening in her eyes. “Do you want to keep it?”

 

“I...” His mouth snaps closed again as he considers. Under other circumstances he wouldn't hesitate to say yes. Five years ago or five years from now, maybe, but now he's staring death down every single day. She's the one having to put his sorry ass back together when he's hurt. How will this new development affect her ability to do her job? Where the hell would they even put a baby?

 

A _baby_.

 

He feels a thrill of excitement but tries to quash it down. The timing is all wrong. If they survive this war, and things regain some semblance of normal. Maybe then they could have a baby.

 

But will they ever have this chance again?

 

She should be past the age of childbearing already. And yet here they are.

 

_Pregnant._

 

He lets his head fall against hers, fingers playing along the skin of her neck. “What do you want?” He finally asks, feeling defeated in a way he never has before. It's the first time in his life he's faced a problem that he couldn't talk or shoot his way out of.

 

“I...” She heaves a sigh. “Under any other circumstance, I would want to keep it.” She tips his head up so she can look into his eyes. “Nothing would make me happier than being the mother of your child.” She brings a hand to his cheek, brushes her thumb against his lips. “The timing is just... I don't know how we can make this work. If brass finds out, they may try to transfer me-”

 

“Over my dead body,” he says sternly. “You're staying here no matter what they say! The brass can go fuck themselves. They can court marshal us when the damn war is over.”

 

Her laugh is full of mirth and soothes his frayed nerves. He grips her neck, using his thumbs to trace her cheekbones and holds her gaze. Their lips meet briefly before he's looking into her eyes again. “We may never have this chance again,” he says.

 

“True.”

 

“If you want the baby, we'll make it work, Karin. I don't want fear to rule our decision here.”

 

“Are you afraid?”

 

“Hell yes! I'm scared shitless! This is all new territory for me.”

 

She laughs again, and he smiles at her. “I always thought I'd have a baby someday, but I never met the right man and time got away from me. Now... now I know I have the right man, and time has given me a chance I never thought I'd have, and I don't know what to do with it.”

 

“If it weren't for the war, what would your decision be?” He asks.

 

“There would be no decision. I would keep the baby,” she rests a hand on her stomach and closes her eyes. “He'll have your blue eyes and chiseled features. Your strong will tempered by my calm demeanor.”

 

“He? You know something I don't.” His eyes are sparkling with excitement when she looks at him again.

 

“Just a hunch,” she shrugs.

 

“You already feel like it's a boy?”

 

Karin nods, and John's heart is stuck in limbo somewhere between elation and dread. How can they abort it when she already feels attached enough to have hunches about the baby's gender? He searches her emerald eyes for a long while, knowing what he needs to say, and trying to find the courage to say it. The timing is terrible. The shock still hasn't worn off. He may not even live long enough to see the baby be born. And if he dies, would it be better or worse for her to have a piece of him to carry on?

 

He takes a deep breath. “I think we should keep it.”

 

“You do?” And he doesn't miss the hopeful lilt to her voice.

 

“I do.”

 

“Oh, John!” She throws her arms around his neck and buries her face in it, and he can feel her tears on his skin. “I love you.”

 

“I love you, too.”

 

“Thank you.”

 

He shakes his head with a laugh, and kisses her neck. “Why didn't you just tell me you wanted to keep it?”

 

“I was afraid you wouldn't want it,” she whispers, sniffling.

 

“Ah, honey. You know I can't say no to you.”

 

She pulls away and looks into his eyes. “This is different,” she insists. “I didn't want to just demand what I wanted. That wouldn't be fair to you. Your life will be affected just as much as mine.”

 

He nods, choosing his next words, carefully. “Karin, we both know that I may not make it out of this. Hell, none of us may. I just... are you sure you would want to do this alone... if it comes to that?”

 

“I'm sure,” she says with a firm nod. “I don't want it to come to that, but... if something happens to you... at least I can have this piece of you.” She rests her hand on her stomach again, and he covers it with his own.

 

“A baby?” His voice is full of awe.

 

“A baby.”

 

His kiss is insistent, hands cupping her cheeks to draw her deeper. “I love you, Karin.”

 

“I love you too, John.”

 

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thanks for reading! 
> 
> Much love,  
> Elle


	3. Fear, Doubt, Acceptance

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Reality sets in, and John struggles to come to grips with it.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Here there be smut. If that's not your thing, you may want to skip the first half of the chapter at least. :)

The team is watching through the windows of the med-bay as Shepard lifts the doctor onto an exam table, and she's crying. The poor man is trying with all his might to say something that comforts her, cradling her face in his hands. When the doctor puts a hand on her stomach, realization dawns.

 

“Oh shit,” Ashley mutters, and the whole team turns to look at her expectantly. She looks at each of them, then gestures to the couple through the window. “She's pregnant!”

 

All eyes are back on the couple. All mouths hanging open.

 

“Oh shit,” Vega repeats, and the rest of the team all nod in agreement.

 

Shepard still looks dazed when he finally leaves the med-bay. He freezes in his tracks to find his entire ground team, plus Cortez, staring at him. “Shit,” he mutters, realizing that they hadn't engaged the privacy glass on the med-bay windows and the team has probably deduced what is going on. He holds up a hand to stave off any questions and makes his way to the coffee pot. He wants to make his way to the bar, but it's still only 0900, and they have a mission in a couple of hours.

 

“Joker, ETA to Eden Prime,” he asks.

 

“Two hours,” the pilot replies. “Hey Commander-”

 

“Not now, Joker,” Shepard says testily. “T'soni, Williams, you're on the ground team.”

 

“Shepard-” Ashley tries.

 

“Not. Now.” He says through clenched teeth. “And stay out of the med-bay unless it's an emergency,” he adds as an afterthought before heading to the elevator.

 

He needs to be preparing for the mission, but all he can think about is Karin and the fact that they're going to have a baby. This has never happened to him before. He's always been so careful. Always made doubly – triply – sure that he was protected – that the woman he was with was protected. He stares out the window above the bed. How in the _actual hell_ had this happened? She'd told him that it was impossible. She's his damn doctor for Christ's sake. There had been no reason not to trust her. She knew he didn't have any diseases, and he'd believed her when she said she didn't. They'd never used protection, thinking it unnecessary.

 

Well, apparently it had been fucking necessary!

 

He's still torn. On the one hand, he's ecstatic about the idea of being a father. On the other, he's terrified. The fear he can live with. Fears can be overcome. What concerns him now is timing. Logistics. Tactics. How in the hell are they going to do this in the middle of a war? He can always cling to the hope that the war will be won before the baby is born, but what kind of world are they bringing this poor child into? A world devastated by sentient machines? A destroyed economy and government? A dead father?

 

He scrubs his hands over his face. The answers won't come by lying here on the bed wondering about them. He has a shitload of work to do, but he's not sure if he can concentrate on it. The door to the cabin swishes open, and he looks up to see Karin crossing the floor toward him.

 

“I was afraid I'd find you here.”

 

“Back to the scene of the crime,” he says, trying for light and missing the mark, lips twisting into a frown. “Sorry,” he mutters, when she frowns right back at him.

 

“John, are you sure you want to keep the baby?”

 

“If you do, then I do,” he says, and he means it. “I'm just...” he scratches his chin then rubs his forehead, searching for words that won't come. “It's just overwhelming,” he says at last. “I never dreamed that this could happen.”

 

“Neither did I,” she confesses. “We'll make it work, though. Right?”

 

“Yeah,” he says with more confidence than he feels. “Of course we will.” He takes her hand in his, lacing their fingers together, and tugging on her until she is lying beside him and he can press his lips to her forehead. She curls around him, resting her head on his chest, listening to his heartbeat, and he toys with her fingers that are twined with his. They lie in silence, lost in thought.

 

“I'm not sorry,” he says after awhile. “I feel... so amazed that I'm going to be a father. Even more amazed that you are willing to be the mother of my child. Don't know how good of a dad I'll be. I had shit for an example.” His father, Matthew Shepard, had been a cruel man who let his fists do the talking when it came to his wife and children. His family hadn't been all that sorry when he'd died trying to prevent a batarian raid on Mindoir when John was sixteen.

 

“You always excel at anything you put your mind to, John,” she says quietly, rubbing their fingers together. “You'll be the most wonderful father. I can't wait to see your face when you hold him for the first time.”

 

“You really think it will be a boy?”

 

“I do.”

 

He rolls onto his side, placing her arm around his waist. “I'll be happy either way,” he tells her honestly before bringing their lips together. His fingers ghost up her waist as their lips caress, warmth and light spreading through his body. He leans into her until she's on her back and he's on top of her, lips and hands becoming more deliberate. She slips her hands under the hem of his shirt, kneading the tense muscles of his back, and he moans into her mouth before trailing a line of kisses along her jaw and down her neck.

 

His fingers work to unfasten her shirt, and his lips continue downward until he's stopped at her breasts. He leans to the side so he can worm his hands behind her to unclasp her bra and push it up to expose his prize. Lips descend on her, drawing an already taut nipple into his mouth, and she hisses... in pain. He stops and looks at her, alarmed.

 

“They're... very tender,” she says, and he frowns.

 

“You want to stop?”

 

“No! I just... we may have to... skip that for now. The breasts will be tender for the first trimester.”

 

“You sound like a doctor,” he says chuckling and kissing around her nipple, careful not to do anything that might hurt. Her laugh turns into a moan, and he considers that a victory, humming his delight. He kisses down her belly removing her pants then working his way back up to her lips. Her hand grips the back of his neck as their lips move against each other, tongues darting out for little tastes. “I love you so much,” he mumbles.

 

“I love you too, John.” She kisses her way up his stubbled jaw until she reaches his ear, dipping her tongue inside the way she knows makes him crazy. He shudders against her and lets out a groan, fingers sliding between her legs to delve into her dewy folds. She cries out, arching into his touch, and he works two fingers into her, slowly pushing in and pulling back out. All the while, they're bestowing feathery kisses against each others cheeks, chins, jaws, necks, and lips.

 

Shepard is as hard as he's ever been, and he grinds his erection against her leg briefly before removing his fingers and rolling over to get undressed. She climbs on top of him before he can get back to her, and bracing her hands on his shoulders, she sinks down on his ready cock. John groans again and his head falls back, hands resting lightly on her hips. Karin watches his eyes as she rocks forward. The blue iris gives way to dark, lusty pupil, and she grins at him. He returns her smile, rough hands sliding up to cup her breasts again. He's careful not to touch her nipples, though he wants to. Instead, he kneads gently, and she seems to enjoy the sensation. Perhaps not quite as much as nipple play, but still. He has a feeling he'll have to take what he can get for awhile. A long while.

 

Swallowing his disappointment, he rolls his hips up to meet hers, forgetting all about the troubles they're currently facing in the wake of the tantalizing bliss that overtakes him. She rides him slow and sensuous until they're both panting and teetering on the edge of release. He moves a thumb to her clit, rubbing firmly in the way he knows she loves, and it isn't long before her body is clenching, gripping him almost painfully. Then they're both breaking, crying out as their bodies tremble against one another.

 

He rolls them over, keeping himself seated inside her, and she wraps her arms and legs around him as he buries his face in her neck. They hold each other close through the aftermath of their orgasms, both feeling terrified and excited and awed and in love all at once. His blue eyes find her green ones, and he smiles at her. And it's  full of reassurance and hope and beauty, and she can't help the little sob that escapes her throat nor the tears that trickle out of the corners of her eyes. These he kisses away before bringing his lips to hers again. “We can do this,” he finally murmurs. “It's going to be incredible.”

 

His hand rests on her stomach, fingers tickling slightly as they trace a lazy pattern. Then he shifts out of her, moving down to press his lips to her belly again, smiling and staring at it in wonder as if he could see the baby in her womb just by looking hard enough. He covers her belly in kisses, before resting his cheek against it, and her hands rub the velvety fuzz of hair on his head. She feels a tear moisten her skin, and John slides his hands under her back, holding her tight as he cries quietly.

 

**

 

Shepard makes his way to the forward battery and sits heavily onto the crate he always uses as a chair when visiting Garrus. Not even finding a real, live, talking Prothean can take his mind off the baby. All day long his emotions have been a damned roller coaster of fear, excitement, utter giddiness, shock, and worry.

 

Worry is currently dominant.

 

Garrus works quietly until John is ready to talk. This is how their friendship works. Has always worked. If you'd asked Garrus four years ago who his best friend would be, he would never have been able to guess that it would be a human marine, but such is life. Shepard is lost in his own thoughts when Garrus glances at him, so the turian lets him be. The Commander sighs several times before he finally says, “How the hell did this happen?”

 

“If you don't know,” Garrus replies, “I'm certainly not going to be the one to tell you. Maybe you should ask your mother?”

 

“You're an ass, Vakarian! You know what I mean!”

 

“Actually, I'm not sure I do. I don't see where the confusion comes in. Boy meets girl. Sperm meets egg. Even turians reproduce in that manner.”

 

John sighs heavily again. “She wasn't supposed to _have_ eggs!”

 

“I'm not sure I follow,” the turian says, and Shepard studies him for several long minutes to suss out whether or not he's being serious or just yanking his chain.

 

Another sigh. “Human females... lose the ability to reproduce with age,” he says.

 

“So, at a specific age, your women stop reproducing?”

 

“It's not a specific age, it's a biological process.”

 

“I don't follow.”

 

“Menopause. It's... how much detail do you want me to go into here Vakarian?” He huffs. When the turian just stares at him, he sighs... again, and continues, “Once a woman's childbearing years are over, their bodies stop producing eggs, and the ability to conceive is eliminated. There is a lot more to it than that, but if you want more details, you can look it up on the damn extranet. I thought... _we_ thought that she had reached that point.”

 

“So what are you going to do?” Garrus decides he doesn't want any more details after all. He wants to be able to look Dr. Chakwas in the eyes later.

 

“We're keeping it.” The Commander rubs a hand along his jaw, refusing to meet the turian's eyes. “She already thinks it's going to be a boy.” There's a faint smile and a light in the man's eyes that hasn't been there since he sat on that crate.

 

“Well, let me be the first to congratulate you then, Shepard!” Garrus offers his hand, and John stands and takes it, shaking firmly.

 

“Thanks,” he says, and he means it. And just hearing the excitement in the voice of another makes it finally feel good and right and doable. “I'm scared to death, to tell the truth.”

 

“Any man would be in your shoes,” the turian tells him. “And I don't need to tell you this, but the timing could be better. That probably has a lot to do with the worry you're feeling.”

 

“Yeah,” John admits. “Yeah... that's been on my mind all damn day. If... hell it's no use worrying with the if's. But... there's something else I want...” He stops and looks away, and Garrus waits patiently. “I want to marry her,” he blurts at last. “I wanted to before this, but it never seemed like the right time. I... don't want her to think that this is the only reason I'm doing it, but... it _is_ the right thing to do.” The human rubs his forehead a few times. “Shit... If I don't make it through this thing, then... she and the baby will be provided for, but only if we're married. I don't want to do it for money, but I don't know what the hell else to do.”

 

“So your military won't provide for your family if you aren't married?”

 

Shepard shakes his head, staring down at the railing he's leaning on now, fingernail scratching at the surface. “I can will my possessions to her, but... Well, if my name's on the birth certificate they would provide for the baby but not her, _but_... if I die before the baby's born, they won't even do that. The only way to guarantee it is to marry her before that happens.”

 

“You said you already wanted to marry her, John. You aren't marrying her for the money. You're marrying her because you love her. You know that, and she will know it, too. The timing may be altered because of the baby, but you would have gotten around to it eventually, right?”

 

“Right.... I mean, I hope so. That was the plan, anyway.”

 

“So why the hesitation?”

 

Shepard stares into nothing for awhile again before finally speaking. “Marriage is... a big deal to humans. To women in particular. Not just _being_ married, but actually _getting_ married. Ceremonies and all that. I want... I just want her to have everything she wants, and the middle of a war is not the time for big, fancy wedding ceremonies.”

 

“What makes you think she even wants big and fancy?”

 

John looks at him with that 'you're and idiot' expression that often works on lesser men. “Do turians not have wedding ceremonies?”

 

“It's usually just a civil service. Signing some papers. Exchanging a few words, promises really. Why? What are human wedding like?”

 

The human pulls up his omni-tool and taps a few commands in before turning it to show Garrus the images of human weddings. The turian's mandibles flap helplessly a few times. “Damn.”

 

“Yeah... damn,” Shepard agrees, rubbing his forehead again. “I know she's the one I need to talk to about this, but, Garrus, there is one more thing I wanted...” His eyes are flitting all over the place, and Garrus would say he was having a fit of nerves if he didn't know better. Commander John Shepard did not have nervous fits. “Garrus, if I die during this damn war, I need... Can you... I have to know that they'll be taken care of. I'll handle the money end, but I mean... Would you... look after them for me?” Shepard's eyes finally meet his, and Garrus has never seen such a pleading look from his friend before. It's actually touching.

 

“Absolutely, Shepard. You don't have to worry about a thing there.”

 

Shepard slumps in relief, and breaths a heavy, “Thanks, Garrus.”

 

“Anytime. So... is there some ritual you have to follow to get her to marry you?”

 

He laughs, “Not exactly. It's traditional to buy an engagement ring. There's usually dinner and flowers and shit like that. I... to be honest, I haven't given it too much thought.”

 

“Hard to think about flowers and rings in the midst of planning war strategy, I'd imagine.”

 

“Yeah. No shit. Guess I better get on it, though, huh?” He's back to rubbing his chin. “I may have a few ideas there, actually.” A slow smile works it's way onto his face. “Hey, don't say anything about this to anyone, okay?” Garrus nods. “You either Joker and EDI!” The Commander adds, eyes darting up to the ceiling.

 

“Mums the word, Shepard,” Joker says, while John sighs.

 

“You know you wouldn't have to lie so much if you didn't eavesdrop all the damn time! But if she finds out about this before I'm ready to tell her, I will cut your balls off and toss them out the fucking airlock! Understood?”

 

“Aye, Sir!” The pilot replies.

 

“Good.” He shakes Garrus' hand once more while the turian chuckles. “Thanks again, Garrus.”

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thanks for reading and taking the time to leave comments and kudos! :)
> 
> tumblr: ellebeedarling.tumblr.com
> 
> Much love,   
> Elle


	4. Questions

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> John learns more than he wanted to know about the birthing process. He and Karin have an awkward conversation about it.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Okay, so... true confession time. Much of the content for this chapter comes from conversations I had with my husband after we learned we were pregnant for the first time some twenty years ago. Have a healthy helping of awkward!Shep today! Also more smut. :)

When Vega walks in, John is sitting in the lounge with a look of sheer horror on his face as he stares at the datapad in his hand. The Commander doesn't notice him at first.

 

“Loco?”

 

Shepard jumps – actually jumps – and closes the display on the datapad before tossing it onto the table in front of him. “I need a fucking drink.”

 

“You have one,” Vega helpfully points out.

 

John downs it and stands. “I need another fucking drink.”

 

James picks up the datapad and flicks it on. “Aw, shit! That's...”

 

Shepard snatches it back out of the man's hand, glowering. “Do you mind?”

  
“Why the fuck are you looking at that?”

 

The image in question is of a vagina... with a baby's head emerging from it. Karin had given John several datapads with information about pregnancy and childbirth. He'd accidentally started with the one on birth, and had gotten stuck on the image. Besides the utter disgust he feels at the image – and who would guess he could look at a vagina and feel disgusted – he can't help but think that his sex life will never be the same after this. That these next eight months are it. No wonder so many marriages end after the baby is born.

 

He hasn't asked Karin to marry him yet. He's trying to figure out how to go about it in a way that's both romantic and meaningful to the both of them. He loves her. She's the one, and he wants to do it right. Between missions and Karin's bouts of sickness, there just hasn't been a lot of time to think about it.

 

For the past few days, the vomiting has come like clockwork at 0600. Their new alarm clock. On top of that, she's been tired and temperamental. Hell, he's been tired and temperamental since the first time they landed on Eden Prime more than three years ago, but Karin? She's always been consistent. Calm. Collected. Not biting his damn head off about socks in the floor. That isn't them. At least it wasn't a couple of weeks ago, before they'd found out they were having a baby.

 

They'd only made love that one time – the day they'd actually found out about the pregnancy. Not that they always do it every day, but at least every other day... usually. Since then, she hasn't felt like it, and he honestly doesn't know if it's him or her own body. The vomiting doesn't help, he's sure. It's actually gotten worse. She can barely keep any food down, and Novak has already had to put her on an IV once just to re-hydrate her. The other night her back had been killing her and her ankles had been swollen, and he'd offered to give her a massage which put her to sleep and left him with a raging hard on.

 

If this is how the next eight months are going to go... and these eight months are the end of sex has he knows it...

 

He shakes his head and pours another drink.

 

Fuck.

 

He is so fucked.

 

“Want to talk about it, man?” Vega is watching him with an expression somewhere between amused and afraid.

 

“No.” Shepard replies sulkily, draining his glass again.

 

“So a baby,” the younger man charges on.

 

“Yes, a baby,” Shepard sighs.

 

“Congrats, man. That's really cool.”

 

The Commander eyes him suspiciously for a few moments before nodding. “Thanks.”

 

“You scared?”

 

“Hell yes!” Shepard just takes a sip of his drink this time. “Wouldn't you be?”

 

“Fuck yeah!”

 

Shepard pours some whiskey into another glass and slides it toward James. “Told my mom today. She flipped the fuck out. Karin is only five years younger than her,” he grimaces and finishes his drink in one gulp again.

 

“Ouch,” James finishes off his glass, and Shepard refills them both. “Uh... if you don't mind my asking... how the hell did you and the Doc end up... you know?”

 

“That's easy,” John grins. “I'm one smooth mother fucker!” He tips his glass up, but only drinks half of it while Vega laughs.

 

“I meant besides the obvious.”

 

The Commander chuckles and seems lost in memory for a moment. “How does it ever happen? It just does, you know? We spent a lot of time together before the accident – she doesn't let me say before I died,” he says with a grin. “Always it's 'the accident.' Anyway... We talked, got to know each other, fell in love. I... She wasn't an 'older woman' to me, she was just Karin. It started before I died. We were sharing a drink in my cabin and one thing led to another... When I came back it just... picked up where we left off. We've been together ever since.” He shrugs and finishes his drink before refilling both glasses even though Vega's is only half gone.

 

“I'm guessing the baby thing wasn't planned.”

 

“Uh... no! Didn't even think it was a possibility. Advantages of dating an older woman. Or so I thought... Until that fucking blows up in your face and you end up knocking her up any damn way,” he growls, draining his glass, and Vega is wondering just exactly how much damn liquor the man can hold before he even begins to show signs of being drunk, much less passes out. Shepard tops off their drinks again, oblivious to the fact that Vega hasn't even touched his glass since the last refill. The only outward sign that the alcohol is having any effect on him.

 

“That's a bitch,” James says.

 

“Yeah... tell me about it.” Shepard is pouting, and it's... not a good look for him. He knows it isn't, but he can't seem to help it. He wants this baby. He does. He's just not sure he's ready for everything that comes along with it. Vomiting. Sleepless nights. No sex. Pissy moods. Ruined Vaginas. And then the baby actually comes, and you have to add diapers and bottles and teething and whatever other shitty things babies do to the list.

 

“If you don't want it, why not just... take care of it?”

 

“I do want it,” he sighs. “I do... Really... I just... this isn't how I wanted it to be. We'd never even talked about having kids or anything long term, we just... knew we wanted to be together, and now this... and the war. I've already got more on my damn plate than I can handle.”

 

James notices just exactly how weary Shepard looks in that moment. Everyone on board knows it of course. The Commander is damned good at hiding it, but there are times when even his cool demeanor cracks and the sheer exhaustion he feels peeks through. It never happens in the field, but on the shuttle or sometimes at the mess table everyone can see just how very human the first human Spectre really is. “It's not like you to back down from a challenge,” Vega says with a smirk.

 

“I'm obviously not backing down, Vega. I'm sitting here looking at pictures of vaginas that will give me nightmares for the rest of my life, aren't I? If that isn't meeting this problem head on, then I don't know what the fuck is!”

 

James laughs. “Touche!” He finally takes a generous gulp of his booze and carefully sets his glass down. “You don't think it stays like that do you? All... stretched out and shit.”

 

“God I hope not!”

 

The younger man laughs again, and the door swishes open. Karin walks into the room looking green around the edges of her face. Shepard's expression is somewhere between sympathy and shame as he watches her come straight toward him. “You're drunk?” she asks, resting her head on his shoulder.

 

“Maybe a little,” he confesses, and James wonders just exactly what she sees that gives him away. If James hadn't watched him down five or six tumblers of whiskey in less than ten minutes, he wouldn't believe the man was drunk for all the credits in the world.

 

“Must be nice,” she says, and John chuckles, kissing her on the top of the head.

 

“Feeling bad?”

 

“Very bad. This is awful!”

 

“I'm sorry,” he says softly, and James feels somewhat awkward sitting here watching them. They're not usually this affectionate in public, but now that there are absolutely no secrets left for them, he supposes there's no need to try to keep it to themselves so much.

 

“I would say it's not your fault, but I'm afraid it very much is,” she says, only half joking.

 

Shepard snorts. “In my defense, I was informed by a reliable source that this was a medical impossibility.”

 

Karin sighs. “Yes well... It _should_ have been a medical impossibility!”

 

“I'm not sorry,” he tells her – not for the first time.

 

“I think I'm about to be,” she says gripping her stomach. “I ate some soup before I came in here, but... I don't think...” She turns and runs for the door, and Shepard curses, downing his drink and going after her. James gathers up the datapads, careful not to turn them on and carries them up to the Commander's cabin, setting them on his desk and leaving. He sees Shepard leading the doctor out of the women's room and toward the med-bay when he comes back to the crew deck.

 

_Poor bastard,_ is all he can think.

 

**

 

“Don't be mad at me.”

 

Karin tenses, bracing herself for the worst.

 

John gulps and tightens his grip around her shoulders. “I was looking at that datapad today. The one that show pictures of the actual delivery.”

 

He pauses for so long she wonders if he's dozed off. “John?”

 

“Sorry,” he mutters. “This is... kind of embarrassing. In theory, I know how babies are born, but I could never make myself watch those vids in high school biology,” he laughs nervously. “The thing is... _It_... you know... _you_... have to stretch a hell of a lot to get a baby out, and... well... once it's stretched out like that, does it... stay that way?”

 

She looks up at him with amusement. “Are you serious?”

 

“Yes.” A pink flush spreads over his cheeks, and she laughs, kissing his pink cheek.

 

“No, it doesn't stay that way,” she says. “The term 'loose woman' is just a figure of speech. Vaginas are quite resilient, John. No matter how many times a woman has sex or how many babies she has, it always shrinks back to it's original size. It does take a few weeks after a baby is born, but there will be no permanent damage.” Her eyes are still laughing when he can finally bring himself to meet them.

 

“Don't laugh at me!” He refuses to acknowledge exactly how relieved he is to hear this, but from the mirth in her eyes, he suspects she knows.

 

“You're really cute,” she says. “Have you been worrying about that all day?”

 

“Yes,” he admits. “Among other things.”

 

“What kinds of other things,” she asks pressing her lips to his neck, and letting her fingers trail up his bare chest.

 

“Well...,” he swallows hard, willing his body not to react to her touches. “You haven't felt worth a damn in several days. We haven't... you know... in days. You've been a little... testy with me. I just...” When he looks at her again, his eyes are full of concern and doubt. “I just want to be sure we're okay... you and me. You're not... mad at me for this are you?”

 

Karin is taken aback by his question. “John... no! Of course I'm not angry with you. Why would you think that?” She leans up on her elbow to look him in the eyes, turning his face to hers with gentle fingers.

 

“You're in misery, and it's my fault,” he says sadly. “I should have-”

 

“Stop! This isn't your fault, John. It... is a freak occurrence, that's all... We both thought that this could never happen, and yet here we are. Pregnancy is difficult. Childbirth, raising children, both difficult. We're going to have to be united now, more than ever, to do this. I don't like seeing doubt in your eyes. It frightens me.”

 

“Never doubt my love for you, Karin,” he says, pulling her to his lips with a hand on the back of her neck. “I'm here. I'm not going anywhere if I can help it. I want this. Want you. Want our baby. I'm nervous. Terrified even. I'm worried. There's so much up in the air. I want to give you... and the baby the life you deserve, and this isn't it. A warship in the middle of the fight of all time. I... have a job to do, and it has to be me. You know it does. And, I already wanted to survive this war to build a life with you, and now I want it even more, and that scares me. I don't want to get reckless or sloppy because I'm putting my wants in front of the needs of the galaxy,” he sighs and brings their foreheads together. “And... the thought of losing you terrifies me the most. I can't... _won't_ lose you, Karin. Not to the reapers, and not to my own stupidity. Just... promise me that you'll be honest with me. Please? If I'm being a pain in the ass, I'll back off, I just... want to be here for you right now. You're hurting and miserable, and that makes me hurt and feel miserable.”

 

“You're not going to lose me, John. I love you. You've been very supportive so far, and it means more to me than anything. The truth is, I feel a little guilty because I know you have so much on you right now, and caring for your pregnant girlfriend shouldn't even be a concern, but you're doing it anyway.” It's her turn to sigh. “I don't want to do anything that makes you concerned about my feelings for you, John. We're in this together.”

 

He nods and rolls onto his side to face her, kissing her softly. “Together.”

 

“I'm feeling much better, you know? The medication that Novak gave me really helped.”

 

“Oh yeah?”

 

“Yep.” She grins at the boyish eagerness in his eyes, and runs her hand down his bare chest. This is all the invitation he seems to need, rolling her onto her back and gliding his hands over the satiny material of her peach colored chemise. He brings their mouths together, tongue delving in greedily. He's wearing nothing more than sweatpants, and he loses these quickly, settling between her legs and sinking into her with ease.

 

“Oh god,” he moans, kissing along her jaw and neck. “I know it's only been a few days, but... damn I've missed this.”

 

“Me too,” she confesses, breathless already. Her legs wrap around his back, drawing him closer and deeper into her. His thrusts are slow and purposeful, and drive them both to the edge faster than they want. He leaves her breasts alone completely, not wanting to spoil anything by hurting her or drawing attention to her maladies, but his lips and hands are not idle, seeming to touch her everywhere at once. “I didn't know you were this horny,” she says with a laugh.

 

“I've been horny as fuck since I gave you that back massage the other night,” he says with a laugh of his own, then nips on her earlobe. “You don't know what you do to me, Karin.”

 

“No less than what you do to me!”

 

“Not true. You've barely thought of me for the last few days, I've been the one running around with the worst case of blue balls of my life!”

 

“I've thought of you plenty,” she says. “I just haven't been able to do anything about it! Now why don't you stop horsing around and fuck me already?”

 

He growls and leans up enough to hook her legs around his arms to give her what she wants. Pushing her legs back, he surges into her, relentlessly pounding her until she's crying out his name. Shepard hitches her hips up higher and keeps going, hitting her just in the perfect spot to bring her quickly to orgasm again. He's spilling a moment later, shuddering and groaning through his release. “Damn, I'm a lucky bastard,” he huffs, gasping for breath as he falls back onto the bed.

 

“I don't know about that,” she says, curling around him. “But I do know that I'm the luckiest woman in the galaxy.”

 

“How do you figure?”

 

“Do you know how many women would kill to be in my shoes right now? To have the love and devotion of John Shepard? To be carrying his child?”

 

He huffs another laugh. “It's easy to fantasize from a distance,” he says. “They're not the ones who actually have to put up with me.”

 

“True,” she says thoughtfully. “On second thought, maybe-”

 

“Oh no! You don't get second thoughts!” He pulls her up till their lips touch. “No second thoughts for you. You're stuck with me.”

 

“Good.”

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thanks for reading! Hope everyone's enjoying this silly little piece. I know I had fun writing it! :)
> 
> I'm on tumblr if you're interested: ellebeedarling.tumblr.com
> 
> I've decided to start posting on Tuesdays and Fridays, so be on the lookout! 
> 
> Much love,   
> Elle


	5. Preparations

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> John makes plans, and Karin's hormones get the better of her.

Tali stares at Joker with her hands on her hips. She's supposed to be waiting outside the new war room for Raan to invite her into the meeting, but she's so shocked by what Joker as just told her that she can't even think about Raan right now.

 

“Dr. Chakwas is pregnant? She and Shepard are having a baby?”

 

“Yep! It's been quite the dramatic roller coaster aboard the Normandy. We could start our own soap opera.”

 

“How are they taking it?”

 

“Well, Chakwas has been sick as a dog, and Shepard has been... testy.”

 

“Shepard is always testy.”

 

“More testy than usual.”

 

“He doesn't want the baby?” Tali asks in disbelief.

 

“No, he does. Just between you and me, I think he's scared shitless,” the pilot says in a conspiratorial tone.

 

Tali's omni-tool pings before she can say anything else, and she rushes back to the meeting with Shepard and the admirals. When the meeting is over, Shepard invites her up to his cabin so they can talk privately for a few minutes before taking the geth dreadnought. “You're having a baby,” she blurts when she enters the room.

 

“Well, I see Joker has been at it already,” he rolls his eyes. “Technically _I'm_ not having a baby, but Karin is having my baby, yes.”

 

“Wow, Shepard! Congratulations! That's... wow!”

 

“My sentiments exactly, and thank you. Now that the shock is finally starting to wear off, we're actually pretty excited.”

 

“Why was it so shocking?”

 

Shepard sighs. He's already explained to Garrus, Wrex, Grunt, and Liara why it is odd for an almost fifty year old woman to get pregnant. He is tired of this topic. He is tired of the comments about his virility. It's embarrassing. At least none of those people were virgins. Is he really going to have to explain this yet again to an uninformed alien who's never even had sex? Evidently so. He rushes through the explanation as quickly as he can while making sure he is thorough enough not to have to repeat anything. Tali changes the subject after that, and John hopes that means she is as embarrassed as he is.

 

In the last two weeks, he's received messages from dozens of friends and family. His brother and sister – twins, Jana and Joseph, his parents had had a thing for J's – had both sent him chastising letters because he'd only told his mother, and they'd had to hear it from her. Kasumi, Miranda, Jacob, and even Zaeed have all sent him letters – as have Wrex, Grunt, and Primarch Victus. Hell, even Anderson and Hackett congratulated him during his last debriefs with them. Just how in the fuck this news is spreading like wildfire throughout the whole damned galaxy, he doesn't know, but he suspects it has something to do with a creaky-legged pilot and a certain turian, supposed best friend.

 

At least neither of them have mentioned to Karin that he wants to propose.

 

Yet.

 

The rapidity of the gossip mill has him deciding that he should get on the ball about the whole proposing thing. As soon as the quarians and geth are dealt with, he sets a course for the Citadel and gets his ass in gear making plans. He's nearly busted four different times trying to pick out a ring on the extranet. Once he finally has the one he wants in mind, he has no clue what size he needs to purchase. He goes to find help.

 

Ashley is staring out the large picture window in the observation lounge. Shepard clears his throat, and she turns to look at him expectantly. “I need your help,” he says, unusually quiet.

 

“Sure thing, Skipper,” the abnormally perky Williams answers. He swears she was never this chipper on the original Normandy. She was more grumpy and a little more mean. The difference is almost unsettling. Especially the way she typically says, “Hey Shepard,” when he enters the room, like she's never been more happy to see anyone in her life. It grates on his nerves most of the time, but he doesn't know where else to turn right now.

 

“Rings,” he says bluntly. “I don't know the first damned thing about sizes for rings.” He's chewing on his bottom lip, and he hates the way her eyes light up. And he'd give just about anything to have someone else to go to about this, realizing too late that he could have called his sister. But the chances of him being caught were greater on a conference call. Besides, Jana has no idea what Karin even looks like, much less how to gauge the size of her fingers. He is hoping Ashley has some experience in the area.

 

Williams actually squeals, and Shepard winces. “You're going to propose?”

 

“That would be the logical assumption,” he says dryly.

 

“What does she see in you?” Ashley asks with a scowl.

 

“I ask myself that every day. Anyway... can you help?”

 

“I can help, but... it's going to cost you.”

 

Shepard sighs. He should have seen this coming. “What's it going to cost me?”

 

“I want to be there when you do it.”

 

“No.”

 

“Please?”

 

“No.”

 

“Look... I have helped friends propose in the past. Setting up secret picnics. Getting the DJ to pop the question for him. Stuff like that... They always let me hide in a corner somewhere to watch and see what she says.”

 

“I'm not asking for help with the proposal. I have that covered. I just need help with figuring out what sized ring to buy.”

 

“Can I at least see the ring you picked out?”

 

“It hardly seems fair for you to see it before Karin,” he points out.

 

“Hmm... I suppose you're right... Think she'll let me be her maid of honor?”

 

“I have no idea. She might say no,” he says with a frown.

 

“She won't.”

 

“How can you be so sure?”

 

“Because I see the way she looks at you when you're not watching. She's got it bad!”

 

“Good. So do I. Now, will you help me, please?”

 

“Not until you give me something.”

 

“I can go to Liara,” he says in sudden realization.

 

“No! Wait! Fine... I'll help you, though I think you're being a selfish ass!”

 

“You're not the first person to tell me that. You won't be the last.”

 

“Nothing moves you does it, Shepard?”

 

“Not usually, no.”

 

“Alright, fine,” she huffs. “All you have to do is scan her hand with your omni-tool and upload it to the jewelers extranet site and they have software that can figure it out for you.”

 

“Seriously? That's it?”

 

“That's it! Here, I'll show you.” She demonstrates with her own hand, and the site accurately predicts that her ring finger is a size eight. “See? Easy.”

 

Shepard grumbles as he leaves, but does thank Ashley for her help. That night, when Karin drifts off to sleep, he scans her hand and uploads it to the site, ordering the ring for pick up the next day when they arrive on the Citadel. He sets everything else up while she's still asleep, and then settles beside her, pulling her close and nuzzling his nose into her hair, which smells faintly of roses.

 

Nothing to do now but hope for the best.

 

**

 

Karin wakes up to an empty bed for once. Glancing at the clock, she sees that it is 0800. For the last nearly three weeks, she's awoken at 0600 on the dot to barf her guts up into the toilet. Keeping food down has nearly become an exercise in futility, though she's starving most of the time. She's taking supplements, and drinking a special prenatal protein shake to help with her nutrient intake. She still has to be hooked to an IV daily in order to make sure she doesn't get dehydrated and to ensure that the baby is being fed. She feels like she's withering away.

 

Seeing that the nausea didn't wake her, John must have taken pity on her and let her sleep. Novak has done an amazing job in taking up her slack. They are almost halfway through the first trimester now. Hopefully that means that it will only be a few more weeks before she is feeling more like her old self. Of course, the second trimester means that she will start gaining weight. She touches her stomach lightly, wondering if John will still find her desirable when she has a huge belly and stretch marks. Suddenly, she's crying uncontrollably.

 

Of course John chooses that moment to come back into the room with a tray of food for her. “Karin?” His voice is panicked, and he sets the tray down, rushing to her side. “Honey, what's wrong?” Ridiculously, she starts crying harder. John scoops her into his lap, and holds her close, combing his fingers through her sleep matted hair. “Talk to me, my love,” he says softly.

 

“I... don't... want... to... get fat,” she manages through her sobs.

 

John blinks at her a few times, then his mouth quirks up at the corners, and soon he's laughing hysterically. Karin cries harder, trying to move out of his lap, but he simply holds her tighter. She gives up the fight, knowing that she can never hope to match his strength. “Honey...” he says, now just grinning like the idiot that he is and no longer laughing his damn head off. “You're always going to be gorgeous to me,” he tells her. “And, the weight gain is just temporary, right?”

 

“Maybe... I mean... sometimes it's hard to lose all the extra weight.”

 

He turns her in his lap to straddle him. “Well, then I guess you'll just be my pudgy little woman!” He laughs again when she slaps his arm.

 

“This is not funny! I don't want to be a pudgy little woman!”

 

“I'll love you no matter what,” he says, kissing her lips softly. “You know that.”

 

“Will you? I don't... I don't want you to... lose interest in me.”

 

“Karin,” he sobers instantly. “You don't think... honey, I love you. I fell in love with you, your personality, your character. Do... do you think all I want is sex?”

 

Her eyes widen at the hurt expression on his face. His blue eyes are brimming with tears. “John, no! I... no, I don't think that at all.” She kisses him hard on the lips. “I'm sorry. I'm so sorry.”

 

She's sobbing again, and John feels powerless to help her. Having a pregnant girlfriend is a learning experience if nothing else. “Karin... please tell me that this is just hormones. I... have I not shown you over the years that we've been together how much you mean to me?”

 

“You have... over and over,” she wails. “I... hate this... I feel like I have no control over my emotions... or my mouth, evidently. I'm sorry, John. I didn't mean to hurt you.”

 

“Okay... let's start this morning over, shall we? Come on.” He gently lifts her off his lap and stands, carrying her to the shower. He washes her carefully, keeping his own clothes on to show her that it's not about sex, it's all about him taking care of her. She chastises him for soaking his clothing, but he doesn't care. No price is too high to pay if at the end of the day she understands that she is the entire universe to him.

 

He dries her with a fluffy towel, careful of her sore and swollen breasts, and digs a pretty yellow dress out of her side of the closet, pulling it over her head. The dress is knit cotton, and is something that is both comfortable and fit to wear in public. “What's this?” She asks.

 

“We are officially on shore leave,” he tells her, as he strips out of his wet uniform and pulls on his jeans, gray shirt, and leather jacket. “We've been on the Citadel for two hours now. The rest of the crew is already gone for twenty four hours.”

 

“Twenty four hours?”

 

“Yep. Just you and me babe.” He pecks her lips. “Thought maybe you could try to eat something.” He guides her to the couch and lifts the lid on the tray. There's bananas, applesauce, and toast, along with a cup of peppermint tea.

 

“This... seems like an odd assortment for breakfast,” she says.

 

John chuckles. “Well, what do you do when your pregnant girlfriend and unborn child are starving to death, and the doctor has no advice? Call mom. She says it's called the BRAT diet. Bananas, Rice, Applesauce, Toast. All foods guaranteed to soothe nausea. I know you don't like rice, so...”

 

“You called your mother to ask her for pregnancy advice?”

 

“That's... not a problem is it?”

 

“No! I... think it's... very sweet, John. I may be a doctor, but I'm no obstetrician.”

 

“Speaking of which, we have an appointment in an hour, so... eat up.”

 

“You got me an appointment with an OB/GYN?”

 

“I did. According to the information you gave me, you're supposed to have already seen one at least once. You're overdue, and I want to make sure that you're taken care of.”

 

“John... I love you,” she says, tears filling her eyes.

 

“I love you, too. Now... no more crying today. I have big plans, so eat up!”

 

 

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thanks for reading! Hope you enjoy!! :)
> 
> I'm on tumblr: ellebeedarling.tumblr.com
> 
> Much love,   
> Elle


	6. Proposal

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> John spends the day spoiling Karin.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Fluff, fluff, fluff, schmoop, schmoop, schmoop... that's all you're going to find in this chapter! Enjoy! :)

John's eyes filled with tears as they listened to the baby's heartbeat for the first time. He'd gotten a recommendation from Dr. Michel for the best OB on the Citadel, and had been able to get an immediate appointment owing to the fact that he was the first human Spectre. He isn't above using his position to help Karin and the baby.

 

Karin watches him as he watches the little squirming mass on the screen. It is still too small to look like much of anything, but it is there. Its tiny heart is beating a mile a minute. His hand grips hers almost painfully tight, and the awe and wonder she sees on his face bring tears to her eyes.

 

“Do you want to know the baby's sex?” Dr. Fischer asks, and John and Karin exchange glances.

 

“You can tell already,” John asks.

 

“We will do a cellular scan. It's more accurate than visual prediction anyway,” the doctor smiles.

 

“What do you think, Karin?”

 

“I want to know,” she says firmly, and John chuckles.

 

“You heard the lady.”

 

Dr. Fischer pulls up the appropriate scanner on her diagnostic machine, and scans Karin's belly. John licks his lips nervously. It seems ridiculous for him to be this anxious over something so trivial. He knows he will love the baby no matter what. It seems to take an eternity for the scan to complete, but in reality it's only about five minutes. “It's a perfectly healthy... boy,” Dr. Fischer announces at length.

 

“I knew it!” Karin shouts, laughing and letting her tears of joy fall.

 

“A son?” John is choked up all over again. He leans in and presses his lips to Karin's. “A son,” he repeats, gazing into her eyes. His hand rests on her belly, and he lets his forehead drop onto hers. “I love you,” he murmurs.

 

“I love you, too. We're having a baby,” she laughs as if the thought just occurred to her.

 

“We are,” he says, just as giddy. “A baby boy!”

 

Dr. Fischer watches them with a fond smile on her face. This is her favorite part of her job – the joy that expectant and new parents feel and share with each other over their child. “Have you thought about names?” She asks.

 

“Not at all,” John says, still grinning. “We've got time though, right?”

 

“I want to name him after you,” Karin says firmly. “John junior or the second or whatever.”

 

“Come on! We can do better than that, can't we?” He's smiling.

 

“John is the perfect name,” she insists. “Johnathan Reese Shepard, Junior.”

 

John wrinkles his nose. “If we have to name him after me, let's call him the second. I don't like junior.”

 

“The second it is,” Karin says. “Now that's settled... can I please get off this table and put my clothes back on?”

 

He laughs and helps her sit up. When they leave, they have a video of the squirming baby, and a prescription for some anti-nausea medication that will help her keep food down without making her drowsy like the stuff she'd been using. John leads her straight to the pharmacy so she can take the medicine. He hasn't really said anything, but the fact that she's puked up nearly everything she's eaten for the last three weeks has him freaked the fuck out. Once she's taken the medicine, he drags her to her favorite restaurant on the Citadel where she completely pigs out on her favorite dish – spaghetti bolognese with garlic bread. John watches her with amused eyes.

 

“Hungry?”

 

“Very,” she admits. “Thank you... It felt like my stomach was consuming itself.”

 

“Well, we can't have that now, can we?” He wipes some sauce from her chin with his napkin before leaning in to kiss her. “I'm glad to see you eating again. I was... worried.”

 

“I know,” she tells him, cupping his cheek. “So... was feeding me the extent of your _big plans_ for today?”

 

“No... I know it's early, but with the war and everything, I don't know how long supplies will be available, so I thought we could shop for some of the things we'll need for the baby while we're here.”

 

Her eyes widen. “Where will we put it?”

 

“In our cabin? There's all that storage around the back wall. I thought it would be good to act while we can. Then we can make sure we have what we need.”

 

“I don't even know what we need,” she admits.

 

John produces a datapad and slides it toward her. “I did a some research on necessities for a baby's first year,” he says. “I eliminated some of the items that seemed frivolous, and narrowed it down to what I thought would be most useful.”

 

“And to think I was afraid you wouldn't want this baby,” she says, smiling affectionately at him.

 

He shrugs and picks at the label on his beer bottle. “I want to be a better dad than mine was, and I don't want to go into this blind. I need to be prepared.”

 

“Approach this like any other mission, huh?” Her eyes are full of mirth.

 

“I am a soldier,” he says wryly.

 

“The best soldier,” she says with pride.

 

“Doubtful. Maybe the soldier with the worst timing in the galaxy,” he sighs. “I would love to be doing all this with you with a real home and solid ground under our feet and no damn war to fight.”

 

“You're tired,” she says. “I see how tired you are. I know you're having nightmares and aren't sleeping well. And on top of bearing the burden of every life in the galaxy, you're worried about me and the baby. And I'm worried about you.”

 

“Don't waste your energy worrying about me. I'll be fine.”

 

“You always say that.”

 

“And so far it's always been true. Now, lets go shopping for baby stuff.”

 

They shop until Karin is literally ready to drop. Her back and feet are killing her, and since she's gotten pregnant, she tires out much more quickly than ever before in her life. She wonders if things would have been different if she'd done this as a younger woman. John arranges for delivery of all the items they've purchased back to the Normandy, then takes her to a masseuse that specialized in prenatal massage.

 

“I'll be back for you in an hour,” he says, kissing her cheek. “Try to catch a nap.”

 

“You have more plans?”

 

“Of course,” he winks at her, then leaves her alone to get her massage. While she's occupied, he goes to pick up the rings and set the rest of his plan in motion.

 

**

 

Karin wakes from her nap. Once she'd gotten still on the massage table, and the masseuse had started working her sore muscles, she'd drifted off immediately. It's likely that John has paid extra for them to let her sleep. She looks at the chair where she'd left her dress and finds a large present there instead. Confused, but naked and left with few choices, she opens the present to find a silver cocktail dress inside. It's long sleeved, but hits her mid-thigh. It's form fitting, but not so tight that it will compress her stomach, which is a current must for all her clothing. There's even a pair of strappy silver sandals with a tiny heel that won't hurt her feet too much. Seems John has thought of everything.

 

Leave it to John Shepard to take time out of planning a war to make sure she has comfortable shoes.

 

She shakes her head and gets dressed. She's putting on the dangly earrings that he'd included in the box when he walks in and wraps his arms around her waist from behind. His lips are on her neck, and she tilts her head to grant him more access. “Did you enjoy your massage,” he asks, and the low tone he uses has heat pooling between her legs.

 

“Mmhm... I had a good nap, too.”

 

“Good. That's what I wanted.”

 

She turns to face him and sees that he's wearing a suit, and looking damn fine in it. She tips her chin up to him and waits for him to kiss her. He does so, grinning. “What else is on our agenda, Commander?”

 

“Dinner? And... a surprise?”

 

“Can I have the surprise first?”

 

“How about both at the same time?”

 

“Can't wait!”

 

He kisses her again then offers her his elbow and escorts her to a waiting skycar. John's stomach is in knots. He's faced down reapers armed with nothing but a thresher maw before and felt more sure of himself. But it's not every day he offers someone his heart on a silver platter and waits to see if she will accept or reject it. _Please let her say yes!_

 

He pilots the car to the Citadel Botanical Gardens, and leads her by the hand to a private area of the garden that he's paid a small fortune to rent the use of for the night. Not that he plans on spending all night here, but he wanted to make sure he had plenty of time for what he has planned. As they near the spot, he taps on his omni-tool, and hundreds of twinkling lights come alive in the trees. Karin gasps when she sees it and the spread blanket and picnic basket sitting in the middle of a circle of electric candles.

 

They step into the circle, and he kisses her before they sit. He pours them each a glass of bubbling beverage out of a champagne bottle. “Sparkling cider,” he assures her, and she giggles and takes a sip. It's surprisingly good. He lays on his side, propped on his elbow and begins pulling croissants, meats, cheeses and chocolate covered strawberries out of the basket. She reclines with him, and they eat and laugh and talk until they're both stuffed and happy.

 

“Did you have a good day,” he asks, eyeing her over his champagne glass.

 

“I had an amazing day, John. Thank you.”

 

“I'm glad. We should probably head back to the ship, huh? It's getting pretty late.”

 

“Yes,” she yawns, “and I'm getting sleepy.”

 

His smile is sweet and warm as he packs up the remnants of the picnic and stands, pulling her to her feet. He runs his fingers along both her jaws, and presses his lips to hers. “I love you, Karin,” he tells her.

 

“I love you too, John. This has been the perfect day.”

 

“Well, there's one more thing I want to ask you.”

 

Karin eyes him quizzically, then her expression morphs to one of shock as he drops to one knee and pulls a small velvet box out of his pocket.

 

“I know my timing is off... as usual... but I would have asked you eventually anyway. Now I just don't to wait anymore. Karin, I love you with all my heart. Would you do me the great honor of becoming my wife?”

 

Tears spring to her eyes, and she brings her hands up to cover her mouth, nodding. It takes her a few moments to compose herself enough to find her voice. “Yes, John. Yes I will marry you!”

 

He smiles and lets the breath he's been holding out in a rush. Standing, he opens the box and lets her see the ring. It's an antique style setting with a rather large square diamond in the center, surrounded by a dozen tiny diamonds. The band is covered with the same small jewels. There's a matching wedding band, made to fit the shape of the over sized diamond on top of the engagement ring. He pulls the diamond out of the box and slides it onto her finger, and she can't help gawking at it. His eyes are shining brighter than the ring on her finger when she looks up at him. One hand comes up to cradle her neck and draw her lips to his, while the other rests on her belly.

 

“I'm officially the happiest man in the galaxy,” he says, trailing kisses up her jawline. “Can I take my bride to be home and make love to her now?”

 

“You may!”

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thanks for reading!! 
> 
> Much love,   
> Elle


	7. Preparations

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> John and Karin make plans for the future.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> More fluff, schmoop, and sex! :) Enjoy!

It's a good thing the crew is on shore leave and the CIC is empty because John can't even wait until they're in the elevator before he's groping and grabbing Karin, lips everywhere. She's laughing, and they're stumbling like two drunk people even though neither of them has had a drop all night. Somehow they make it to the elevator still dressed, though Karin is pushing his jacket over his shoulders, and John is unzipping her dress before the door opens upstairs. He kicks the jacket out into the hall by their cabin, and lifts her up to carry her inside, locking the door behind them.

 

Her dress falls to the floor, and she takes a moment to kick her shoes off, then sets to work on the buttons of John's shirt. Her lips are on his broad chest as soon as it's exposed, fingers trailing the hard lines of muscle. Damn he looks so good! He shucks out of the shirt since she's preoccupied, then kicks off his own shoes, lifting her and carrying her to the bed. He sets her down and removes her bra and panties, and she settles onto the bed while he pulls off the rest of his clothes.

 

She grins at him as he crawls up the bed to her, feeling her excitement growing as she watches him. His arousal is evident between his legs, and she pushes him onto his back when he gets to her. She flips around so that she can take his cock into her mouth while giving him full access to her own sex. He growls his approval, and buries his face into her wetness. His fingers pry her open, and his tongue goes straight for her clit, flicking it vigorously. It isn't long before she's grinding against him, and he's groaning while she licks and sucks his hard cock.

 

“Fuck, Karin, stop,” he gasps, pushing her off of him and moving to where she can't reach him anymore, but he can get his tongue between her legs still. She groans in frustration, but he keeps up his assault until she's coming into his mouth. He moans as he laps it up, the sound rumbling from deep in his chest, then he wipes his mouth on the sheet and climbs up over her, bringing their lips together.

 

He's been strong as long as she's known him, but the cybernetic implants give him almost super human strength, and he lifts her with one arm while sitting back against the headboard. She straddles him, slipping down onto him. He lifts and lowers her so she doesn't have to do any work, and she rests her hands on his shoulders, head thrown back in bliss at feeling him inside her. Neither of them last very long, and John gasps her name as she shoots up into her, lips pressed against he soft skin of her chest.

 

They fall asleep exhausted and deliriously happy.

 

**

 

“What the hell is all this,” Vega asks looking around at the crates in the cargo bay. They're used to large shipments, but they've already put away all the standard supplies that a restock usually entails. There are close to a dozen crates all marked personal for Shepard.

 

“I don't know,” Cortez admits. “But they're all for Shepard, so we need to get our asses in gear and carry them up to his quarters.”

 

“Can we peek inside?”

 

“No.”

 

“Come on, Esteban! Aren't you even a little curious?”

 

“I'm curious as hell, but my job is to deliver it, not nose through it. Your job is to do what I tell you, so come on.”

 

James grumbles, but gets the cart. Even with the help of the motorized cart, it's still going to take a couple of trips to deliver all these crates. They make their way to the loft, but the door lock is glowing red. “EDI,” Steve says, “Could you let the Commander know we have a delivery for him?”

 

“The Commander is currently occupied and does not wish to be disturbed,” the AI informs them.

 

“What the hell are we supposed to do with all these crates,” James asks. “There's just as many more still in the cargo hold.”

 

“Shepard informs me that you can shove the crates up your ass.” EDI says in her carefully measured mechanical voice.

 

James and Steve both roll their eyes at each other. They're about to head back into the elevator when the door opens to reveal Shepard in sweats and a t-shirt. “Come on,” he says. “Just set them in the middle of the floor. I've got to go though them anyway.”

 

“What the hell is all this?” James asks.

 

“Nosy much, Mr. Vega?” Steve gives him a chastising look.

 

“Like you weren't just saying how curious you were, Esteban!”

 

“It's stuff for the baby,” Shepard says. “I don't know how long we'll be able to get stuff, nor what the situation will be when the war is over, so... we got enough to last a year. Now... give us an hour to go through these crates before you bring up the rest, and you may have to make room in the cargo hold for some of it, okay?”

 

James carries the first box in and sees Dr. Chakwas lying on the couch with her arm crossed over her eyes. She's wearing leggings and one of Shepard's N7 t-shirts. “How you feeling, Doc?” The marine asks.

 

Karin groans. “Like shit!”

 

All three men chuckle and begin moving boxes in earnest. “Here's the one you wanted, Karin,” Shepard says, setting one by the couch. She sits up with an excited look on her face, and opens it, gasping with delight at the contents. Most of what they'd purchased had been utilitarian, but she'd insisted on a few special things for their son. Including a blanket with his monogram.

 

“Look, John!” She says, holding the blanket up for him to inspect. John takes it, face softening into a smile, and runs his fingers over the monogram. He hadn't wanted to name the baby after himself, but he admits that he likes the way the monogram looks.

 

“Blue?” Steve says. “It's a boy?”

 

“It's a boy,” Shepard says with a grin.

 

Both Steve and James offer their congratulations to the parents to be. Suddenly James practically shouts, “Holy shit, doc! No wonder you feel so bad. Must be hell holding that rock up on your finger!” The large marine actually steps over the coffee table and grabs her hand to get a better look.

 

Karin just beams and lets him. “He did good, huh?”

 

Steve gives a low whistle. “I'll say! Wow! Congratulations again to both of you!”

 

Shepard feels slightly embarrassed, but thanks both men just the same. He's relieved when they're through delivering the first round of packages and take their leave. He sits on the couch and hauls Karin into his lap. She's still clutching the blanket in her hand, and he runs his fingers along the satin edging. “We sure we want to name him after me? I mean... I can think of better names.”

 

“Johnathan Reese Shepard the Second. That's his name.”

 

“What are we going to call him?”

 

“Johnny... or JR?”

 

He shrugs. “I guess we could call him Johnny when he's little and let him decide when he's older. That's what my parents did.”

 

“They called you Johnny?”

 

“Yeah. Johnny, Joey, and Janie... that was us.”

 

“I can't wait to meet your family.”

 

“I can't wait for you to meet them. They're going to love you.”

 

“Even though I'm old enough to be your mother?”

 

“Even though.” He grins up at her. “I love you. That should be all that matters.”

 

“It's all that matters to me.”

 

He slips a hand under her shirt and rubs her belly. “So when do we want to do this,” he asks. “I want to do it soon.”

 

“Really? You don't want to wait until after the war.”

 

“If we wait until after the war, we may not have the opportunity,” he says solemnly.

 

“Alright. When are we docking with the Citadel again?”

 

“Probably three to four weeks. Whenever supplies start running low again, or when the crew just can't go on without a break.”

 

“Give me four weeks to plan?”

 

“Done. How are we doing this? Big? Small?”

 

“Small, but... nice. I want to wear the white dress after all.”

 

“Whatever you want. You know that. Got a place in mind?”

 

“I do, actually. I'll take care of that.” She pulls up her omni-tool and sends off a message to the venue of her choice. “There. They'll get back to me with a list of available dates within twenty four hours and we can go from there. Do you think your family will be able to come?”

 

“Joey and Jana? Probably. Mom? I don't know. The sooner we have a date set, the easier it will be for her to get leave.”

 

“I'll let you know as soon as I hear something.”

 

“Good.” He slaps her on the butt as he shifts her out of his lap. “I need to get all this shit put away so I can get started on my real work for the day.”

 

Karin laughs, and they start going through the boxes. They'd bought some disposable diapers, but mostly they'd purchased cloth ones. God only knows what living conditions will be like when the war is over. Karin plans to breastfeed, but they bought formula and bottles just in case. Crates of baby food. Clothes. Toys. Books. Some things that Shepard felt were a frivolous waste, but Karin wanted, so he'd caved and purchased anyway. They are knee deep in baby stuff, and the room looks like a blue powder puff grenade has gone off, and Shepard is feeling overwhelmed and irritated, when Cortez and Vega show up with the next shipment.

 

“Shit!” Shepard mutters. Karin is going through the crates, oohing and aahing over every little thing while John tries to hurry her along and store the items in the compartments along the back wall behind the bed. All the diapers have been stored, and all the food as well. At least those things are taken care of. “Honey, this stuff has to go somewhere before we can move on with our lives. We're not even going to need it for another seven months or more. James and Steve have other shit to do than play our personal errand boys.”

 

Karin frowns at him. “Well, excuse me for trying to enjoy this!”

 

“I'm sorry,” he sighs. “Really, I am. I'm not trying to keep you from enjoying it. Just...”

 

“Can I enjoy it a little faster?”

 

“Please?”

 

She sighs. “Alright.”

 

“Alright,” he agrees, taking the lids off the new crates the lieutenants have brought. “This furniture can go back to the cargo bay,” he says. “There's no room for it now.” He's looking around and scratching his chin.

 

“I want you to set up the baby bed,” Karin says absently.

 

Shepard stares at her for a moment, blinking, though she's utterly oblivious as she continues digging through the crate of baby clothes. “Karin, we don't _need_ it right now. It will just be in the way.” The doctor gives him a look, and he simply holds his hands up in surrender and looks around again. “Uh... Can you guys move that chair out of here? It doesn't do anything but hold clothes anyway.”

 

“Sure thing, Commander,” Steve says. “Where should we take it?”

 

“That's your side of the bed,” Karin interjects before they can go any further.

 

“There isn't room on your side,” Shepard points out with a huff. “We can switch if you want.” When she doesn't respond, he turns back to Cortez, “See if it will go in either of the lounges. If not, just put the damn thing in the shuttle bay or fucking space it. I don't give a shit.” He stomps around for a minute, muttering under his breath, something that sounds vaguely like, “How much fucking furniture do they think one man needs in his bedroom anyway?” And James and Steve both suppress a chuckle.

 

Karin sighs. “Okay, okay, I can tell you're getting pissed. I'll save this box out to go through tonight. The rest of the clothes need to be sorted by size so we can find them when we need them... We can wait to set up the bed.”

 

John gives her an appraising look. “Are you sure? Is this going to be one of those things that you're going to bring up every time we have a disagreement for the next forty five years?” The smirk on her face tells him everything he needs to know, and he sighs again, “Dammit. Lose the chair, guys. Leave the bed.” He finds a box of clothes and starts making piles by size on their bed while the other two men move the chair out. They come back twenty minutes later to remove the boxes with the baby swing and walker. Karin packs up the box of special clothes and items and sets it on the couch to go through later then heads into the shower.

 

**

 

Karin sits in the middle of the bed, legs crossed Indian style, reading the directions for assembling the baby bed. John is exhausted. He feels like he's run himself ragged all day long. They're en route to Cyone to deal with the fuel reactor situation. He'd like to try to catch some shut eye before charging into a mission, but Karin is insisting he put this damned baby bed together tonight.

 

It has to be tonight.

 

Never mind the fact that the baby isn't even due for another seven months.

 

He's trying not to curse, but this would be much simpler if she would just give him the damn directions to read for himself. He sits on his knees on the floor with parts spread all around him, half listening as she rattles off instructions.

 

“John?”

 

“Hm?” She's looking at him like she's been calling his name for a few minutes.

 

“What's wrong, darling?”

 

“I'm tired,” he admits. “It's been a long damn day.” He yawns and stretches and looks around at the pile of baby bed parts dolefully.

 

“We can wait,” she says.

 

“No... no, it's fine,” he says. “Let me see the directions.”

 

“No, come here,” she insists. He looks skeptical, but climbs up onto the bed anyway, wrapping his arms around her and lying down, drawing her close. He nuzzles into her hair, inhaling deeply. She always smells of roses.

 

“You smell good,” he murmurs sleepily.

 

“I'm sorry for today,” she says, stroking his head. “It wasn't a very nice way to reward you for everything you did for me yesterday.”

 

“It's fine,” he says. “I'm sorry I wasn't able to enjoy it more.”

 

“You saw it as a mission to complete.”

 

“Mmmm... you're probably right.”

 

“Let's pack this up. We can put it together another time,” she says, and he nods, rising from the bed and making quick work of packing all the pieces back into the box. Of course they don't fit the way they did before, but he slides the box into the corner where the bed will sit when they're done, then strips naked and crawls under the blanket. He's half asleep in moments, and Karin grins at him, sliding a hand down his torso until she's cupping his balls.

 

He groans, but doesn't open his eyes, and she trails light kisses down the path her hand just followed. Her lips press softly against his balls, and he groans louder as she flicks her tongue out to taste him. “Karin,” he breathes, and she flattens her tongue to run it over one of the soft orbs. His cock hardens as she lavishes attention on his testicles, gently sucking one and then the other into her mouth.

 

When she feels like she's paid them enough attention, she begins a slow lick up his cock from base to tip before swirling her tongue around the head. John is panting, lying with his hands behind his head and just letting himself enjoy her special treatment. She grips the base of his cock and bobs her head down, taking him to her throat. She's afraid of gagging if she tries to swallow him, but she goes as far back as she dares, working the rest with her hand. His eyes crack open to watch her as she goes down on him, moving just the way she knows he likes, and he brings one hand down to tangle in her hair, nails scratching lightly on her scalp. “Love you,” he whispers, and she simply looks up at him, letting her eyes express her emotions while she continues to draw him into her mouth.

 

Pulling off, she pokes her finger into her mouth to get it wet before resuming her work and slipping her moist finger down to his entrance. John had been embarrassed to tell her that he enjoyed to have his prostate massaged during a blow job. Karin doesn't mind doing it. Many men enjoy it, but are ashamed of it. She never tries to make him uncomfortable about it, just does what she knows he likes. He arches off the bed when she reaches the electrified bundle of nerves, and she presses harder while hollowing her cheeks around the cock in her mouth.

 

“Fuck,” he moans, bucking helplessly into the wet heat of her mouth. “Karin, I... oh, fuck...” She moves quicker, synching the rhythm of her hand and mouth, rubbing the nub in his ass furiously. “Oh... shit, baby... I.. gonna come.” His eyes go wide when she doesn't pull away, and he's spurting into her mouth as his body trembles. He gives another loud groan before sinking, boneless, into the mattress. “Oh, god,” he pants. “You.. thank you...”

 

“Figured I owed you after the day I put you through,” she smiles, climbing back up to press her lips to his.

 

“You never owe me anything, Karin,” he says, stroking her cheek. “But I'll never complain about a blow job,” he laughs.

 

The next night, the baby bed is put together and set up in the corner, and Karin puts the sheet on the mattress and adds the monogrammed blanket and a small white teddy bear with a blue silk ribbon around its neck. She's running her hands over the soft blanket while John watches her, a fond smile on his face, and he regrets being such an ass about it the day before. Seeing the look on her face now makes everything worth it.

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I've never written anything with so little angst and with so much fluff! I hope everyone who's reading is enjoying it! 
> 
> Find me on tumblr: ellebeedarling.tumblr.com
> 
> Much love,   
> Elle


	8. Baby Bump

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Karin's body is changing, and John really likes it.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> More smut here... god, I didn't mean for this to be so pornographic! lol Oh well... hope y'all are enjoying it. Also, some hurt/comfort and general lovey-dovey-ness. :)

Karin looks at herself in the mirror, turning this way and that. It's definitely there. A bump. _The_ bump. It's small, but she's now sporting her very own baby bump. She never dreamed that she would get to experience this. Least of all with a man twenty years younger than her. Well, eighteen, as he's always reminding her.

 

She hears John enter the cabin, and the telltale sounds of armor hitting the deck. Moments later he's stepping into the bathroom, naked and bloody and sweaty.

 

“Are you injured?”

 

“Not mine,” he says stoically, tossing his under armor into the hamper and stepping into the shower. He braces his hands against the wall and lets the water sluice away a day's work.

 

It's taking its toll, she knows. There's only so much death a person can take – can deal out – before it screws with your head. He's done an amazing job of controlling it, but she's not sure how much longer he can keep doing it. His nightmares are getting worse, and more frequent. Twice this week she's woken to find him thrashing and sweating and gasping for breath. He won't tell her about the dreams, and that scares her. It's not good to keep these things bottled up. If they weren't involved, she would order him to talk to her. As his doctor, it is her duty to make sure he is mentally fit for duty. As his fiancee, she has an even more vested interest in the matter, but she is at a loss for how to help him.

 

“I'm not going crazy,” he says, reading her thoughts. “I just... I lost Thessia.” His head hits the shower wall with a thud. “I didn't get the information. I don't... I don't know where to go from here. I don't know how to finish the Crucible or win the war or protect you and Johnny. I... I've never failed when it really mattered before, and... nothing mattered more than me winning today.”

 

“What happened?” She asks quietly, resting a hand on his shoulder.

 

“Cerberus. Fucking Kai Leng... that goddamned piece of _shit!_ ” His fist hits the wall hard enough for the metal to groan with the impact. “He got there first. He was fucking waiting for me. I told those people... I fucking promised them... but I couldn't. The reapers came. The asari were dying by the millions when we left. Just... fucking got on the shuttle and came back to the ship like nothing had happened.” He's quiet for a long time, and she lets the silence linger, sensing that he's not done. “They're down there dying right now while I'm standing in the shower. They're dying because of me. Because I failed.” He punches the wall again.

 

“No John. They're dying because of the reapers. Because of Cerberus. Not you. You tried. You've done everything you could, and I know you. You won't give up until you figure this out. I believe in you, darling. Have a little faith in yourself.”

 

“I'm so tired, Karin. So goddamned tired. I just... want all this to be over.”

 

“I know, darling. I know.” She turns him to face her and knows he crying, though the shower is camouflaging his tears. He pulls her to him, and buries his face in her neck, sobs wracking his body.

 

“I can't do this.”

 

“Yes you can. You are! You're so close, my love. So close to finishing it and bringing peace to the galaxy. Hold on to that.”

 

“All I want is you and Johnny,” he murmurs. “I just want us to be a family. No more fighting. I want to be done.”

 

“Soon, darling. Very soon. We'll have that. I promise. We all just have to keep going a little longer.”

 

He presses his lips to her neck, kissing up to her ear. His tongue swirls around the shell, and he whispers, “I need you. Please.”

 

“Whatever you need, John. I'm yours.”

 

**

 

Their bodies are still trembling with aftershocks when EDI's voice interrupts them. “Commander, Specialist Traynor has found something she would like for you to take a look at.”

 

“Thank you, EDI. I'll be down in a minute.” John sighs and gives Karin a longing look, eyes tracing up and down her body a couple of times. He smiles when his gaze lands on her belly, as if he's just noticed the slight bulge there for the first time. His hand is rough when he rubs it over her velvet skin. “I love this,” he murmurs, eyes twinkling when they meet hers. He drops to his knees and presses his lips to her stomach, before nuzzling his cheek against it. When his lips touch her again, he's muttering something that she can't decipher, and she gives him a quizzical look. “Just a father son conversation,” he says, grinning. She laughs and strokes his fuzzy head.

 

“I love you, John.”

 

“Love you, too.” He gives her belly one last kiss, then stands and kisses her lips. “Thank you. You always know how to make everything better.” Too soon, he's dressed and back at work.

 

**

 

Hackett orders them to the Citadel for repairs and some much needed shore leave after Sanctuary, and it just happens to coincide with the wedding date they had picked. John wonders if that's intentional or not. He and Karin wander around the apartment that Anderson has given them. It's incredible! Because of the baby, she can't get in the hot tub, but she insists that he get in and relax for a bit, and he doesn't argue. She brings him a gin and tonic, and sits on the side of the tub with her feet in the water while they talk about the upcoming wedding plans. His family will be arriving in two days. He's not sure where they will put them all. His mother will take the upstairs guest room. His sister, Jana, is married with two children, though his brother is still single. Perhaps Jana and Kieran can take the downstairs room, and Joe and the kids can just sleep on couches.

 

He's going to wear his dress blues in lieu of a tux, so he doesn't have to worry about that. Karin has enlisted the help of Ashley, Liara, and Tali to help with all the planning. All John has to do is show up, and he's perfectly fine with that. He'd be happy with the Justice of the Peace and a night of sex. The ceremony is all for Karin. Whatever she wants goes.

 

Diana Allers has been hounding them for weeks for an exclusive interview, and permission to broadcast the ceremony on her show, Battlespace. They finally agreed to the interview and a few choice clips from the ceremony. That still meant she had to be at their wedding. John didn't like her, but she served her purpose. If he had his way, her ass would be gone, but even Hackett agreed that he'd made the right choice by letting her tag along for the ride. Her exclusive coverage of the goings on of the Normandy had netted them some serious support for the war.

 

His omni-tool pings, and he growls in frustration. “Joker,” he complains, reading the message. “He wants to meet me for dinner to talk about the ship. I'm tempted to just tell him to come here so we can get it over with.”

 

“You should go,” she encourages. “I have to meet with the tailor in a bit for my final dress fitting anyway, and you can't be there.” She winks at him.

 

“Why,” he asks with a frown.

 

“It's bad luck to see the bridal dress before the wedding.”

 

“That's just superstition,” he tells her. “We make our own luck through hard work and determination.”

 

She laughs and kisses him on the cheek. “Well, call me superstitious then. You're not seeing it.” She starts to get up, but he grabs her foot, holding her down.

 

“I don't have to meet Joker for an hour,” he says with that look in his eyes that makes her breath catch in her throat. He stands in the tub and brings their mouths together, easing her panties off as she lifts her hips for him. He brings two fingers to her pussy, stroking while he kisses her until she's dripping for him. He rumbles his satisfaction as he pushes her to lie on her back. Hooking her legs over his shoulders, he continues the work his fingers started with his tongue, stroking her, flicking over her clit, delving deeply into her until she's quivering beneath him.

 

Her first trimester is over, and her libido has returned. Neither is she as sore or tender as she was, so he tweaks her nipples between his thumbs and forefingers until she's writhing. “God, John,” she gasps as his lips tug on her clit, and he hums, sending shocks through her. He slides two fingers into her while he assaults her clit, and when he curls his fingers up and in to find that perfect spot, she arches off the floor and cries out his name as she cums. He sucks it off his fingers with a moan before pressing his lips right against her opening and licking the fluids out of her.

 

“God, you taste so good,” he groans when he's done, and he climbs up onto the seat in the tub sliding her down till her ass is hanging over the edge of the tub. She's still reeling when he slips his cock into her. One leg is over his shoulder, and he grips her thigh as he thrusts into her, thumb pressing against her clit to bring her off again because he knows he's not going to last long. She's always had this effect on him.

 

They cum together with loud, ragged cries of the others name, and his head falls forward so that he can press soft kisses to her belly. He's nearly obsessed with the ever growing bulge there. He works his way back up to her mouth, tongue exploring, ravishing her. He's gasping and spent when he finally pulls out of her, and helps her sit up. He tenderly washes her, clearing away the evidence of what they've just done, then presses his lips to hers again.

 

“Have fun on your date with Joker,” she teases.

 

He snorts. “Hurry home to me. I'll be waiting, and then you're going to be all mine for the rest of the night."

 

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thanks for reading this big ol' ball of cheese! ;) 
> 
> I'm much less cheesy on tumblr (actually, that's a lie, lol): ellebeedarling.tumblr.com
> 
> Much love,   
> Elle


	9. Family

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Karin meets John's family for the first time.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> It's such a relief to not have to warn against angst and heavy things. This story is just sweet and fun (at least I think it is). Not a lot of feedback on this one, but I do keep getting kudos, so I'll assume everyone is enjoying it. Let me know what you think, if you've a mind! ;)

The door buzzer sounds, and John goes to answer it. His mother throws her arms around him. “John! It's so good to see you sweetheart!”

 

“Good to see you too, mom!”

 

Hannah Shepard steps aside and lets more people pass inside. Karin watches as he greets his brother, sister, brother in law, niece, and nephew. He then turns to introduce her to them all. He's beaming, and she's more nervous than she's ever been. Hannah Shepard is only five years older than Karin, herself, is, and she knows it was an issue when the woman first found out about the pregnancy. To her surprise, the woman smiles – a warm, genuine smile – and hugs her, welcoming her to the family.

 

It's obvious from the start that the Shepard clan are a tight knit bunch. Their mutual abuse at the hands of their father, Thomas, meant that they were naturally protective of each other. They laugh and tease each other easily, and Karin finds herself wishing she'd had siblings to share this type of bond with. Twins Joe and Jana are closer to each other than John, but it's obvious they both idolize their big brother. In return, John is fiercely protective of them.

 

“So, what's this I hear on the news about a clone?” Joe asks his big brother during dinner.

 

John sighs heavily, rubbing his eyes before pinching the bridge of his nose. “You know, my life is so damn crazy it feels surreal even to me. Sometimes it's like a really bad movie.”

 

His family laughs, but John hadn't been able to laugh it off so easily. Killing his own clone had shaken him to his core, bringing doubts to the surface that he'd kept carefully buried until that point. Karin sees the tension in his smile, but if his family notices, they don't say anything.

 

“Uncle John,” his nephew, Trevor, begins, “can you take us to the Normandy?”

 

“Yeah,” he says. “Absolutely. Want to go tomorrow?” Both children's eyes light up and they bounce in their chairs and squeal with excitement.

 

John spends his morning in the combat arena doing a fight for charity while his family sits in a VIP box watching him. Karin really hasn't ever seen him in the field before. She's always just there to sew him back together when he's finished. It's equal parts awe inspiring and terrifying to see how he moves ruthlessly through the field. Garrus and James accompany him, following his every order. He waves a hand or clenches a fist, and they immediately obey his direction. He's amazing. She knew this of course, but seeing the way he moves has her wanting to run down there and have her way with him.

 

He activates his tactical cloak, and disappears, popping up behind a geth and stabbing it through its core processor before it even knows he's there. He takes out two more with his pistol before reactivating the cloak and vanishing again. A geth prime's shields explode in a flash of sparks, and John is there slicing it in two from stem to stern with his omni-blade, seamlessly holstering his pistol and pulling his Black Widow off his back. The sniper rifle seems nearly as tall as he is, and he's the only human in the galaxy who can wield one, and that's only due to the cybernetic joint in his shoulder. The rifle recoils with such force it would shatter even a turian's bones. He crouches in cover and with four loud booms, four geth heads explode. His tactical cloak is recharged, so he activates it again and three geth explode before he re-materializes behind where they were standing.

 

“Round two complete,” the arena announcer says. John meets her eyes and winks at her, giving her his crooked grin before setting up for the final round. He exchanges a few words with James and Garrus, and all three soldiers laugh before taking up their positions.

 

The match begins with three geth primes in the field and multiple troopers. With a few flicks of the wrist, the troopers in front of the first prime are dead. John signals for Garrus to take one prime, and James to take another, knowing that the sooner they eliminate the large robots, the easier the match will be. Garrus overloads the thing's shields, and John does the same to his. Then the turian drills it through the center of its flashlight face. John laughs and leaps over his barricade and launches himself at the geth, wrenching the thing's head off with his bare hands.

 

“You've got to give me points for style, Vakarian,” John tells the turian.

 

“Style doesn't win wars, Shepard,” the turian says after pausing to take a shot.

 

“Yeah, but it looks good!”

 

“Your style can kiss my ass!”

 

“Oh-ho, Loco, sounds like you touched a nerve there!”

 

“I think you're right, James,” Shepard says. They're silent except for grunting and counting off kills for a few minutes. “On your six, Vega.” John shouts. “Goddammit! If you get your ass shot off in a fucking game, James, I will never let you hear the end of it!”

 

“He won't,” Garrus assures him.

 

“Garrus would know. Remember that time on Pinnacle station?” Shepard asks, laughing. The hunter's cloak fades with a hiss and a crack, and Shepard is there with a pistol in its face, disappearing behind his own tactical cloak a moment later.

 

“You mean when you bet your stupid life against a retirement home?” The turian says.

 

The Commander doesn't reply immediately. A geth trooper is sliced in half by some unseen enemy, and when it falls, John is there again. “I was thinking more of how your ass was knocked out in nearly every round, and... I won that bet, thank you very much!”

 

“That was a hell of a party we had there,” Garrus said with a chuckle. “Did you have to burn it down afterward?”

 

“Damn Wrex! Fucking puked in my bed!”

 

“What the hell was Wrex doing in your bed, Loco?”

 

“I don't know, I wasn't in it with him!”

 

“That's right,” Garrus says, smirk evident in his voice. “You were in the Mako with Dr. Chakwas!”

 

“You're not supposed to know about that,” John says with a laugh, moving behind cover so that his cloak can recharge again. He snipes several troopers before reactivating the cloak.

 

“Detective,” Garrus reminds him.

 

“Yeah, yeah... My life is a damn open book!”

 

“Particularly when Officer Vakarian is on the case!”

 

“Careful, Garrus, you may dig too deep and see some shit that will give you nightmares!”

 

“So what happened to the retirement home?” James asks.

 

“My mom has it. I won't be needing it for awhile. Hopefully she's been getting some use out of the damn thing. I had to pay a fortune to have it cleaned after that party. Had to replace the whole damn bed!”

 

Garrus laughs out loud. “Well, you've got that huge cabin on the Normandy now and the new apartment. Looking forward to trashing it tonight, by the way!”

 

“Meee tooo,” James says. “Hooo boy!”

 

“You guys can do anything you want tonight. I've already lined up a cleaning crew for in the morning, and after the wedding, I don't want you anywhere near my apartment!”

 

“Hey, how's that going,” James asks.

 

“No idea! Karin and the girls have it all handled. All I have to do is show up, look good, say 'I do,' and get the girl!”

 

“You're living the life, there, Loco!”

 

“You're not telling me anything I don't know, James. She's the best damned thing that ever happened to me!” They're silent for a few minutes. “Just keep Wrex out of my damned bed tonight! I have plans for it tomorrow night!”

 

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thanks for reading! 
> 
> I'll be playing Andromeda for the next week or so, but plan to keep up my regular posting schedule of Tuesdays and Fridays. I also have my queue ready on tumblr if you want to come check it out: ellebeedarling.tumblr.com. Send me a message over there, because I love talking to folks! :)
> 
> xoxo,  
> Elle


	10. Wedding

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> John and Karin tie the knot!

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Gosh this is so cheesy and fluffy! lol Hope you like it!

Joseph Shepard steps into his brother's bedroom and grins. “Looking good, big brother.”

 

“Hope so. This is the most important day of my life.”

 

John and Joe look very much alike except that Joe's eyes are brown, and his hair is a lighter shade. They could almost pass for the twins. Joe's actual twin, Jana, has red hair and freckles like her mother, and looks nothing like her brothers. “I can't believe you're finally settling down," Joseph says.

 

“Hey, I'm not the cosmopolitan playboy of the family, Joey. I've always preferred sex to actually mean something.” He's fidgeting with his medals, trying to get them perfectly straight.

 

“Ah well, you don't know what you've missed. Now it's too late.”

 

“I'm not saying I've never just screwed around, I'm just saying... it's better when you're comfortable with your partner, you know? When you love each other and there are no secrets. You should try it sometime!”

 

“Speaking of,” Joe says a little nervously. “What do you think of Steve Cortez?”

 

John looks at his brother. “If I were gay, I'd do him,” he says, and Joe joins him in a laugh. “Seriously, Cortez is a nice guy. He'd be good for you... if you would settle your ass down and treat him right. He's... suffered a great deal of loss in recent years. Don't toy with him.”

 

“We talked last night at the party,” Joe says. “I like him.”

 

“Joe,” John sighs. “Steve is my friend, and I don't want to see him hurt. I love you! You're my baby brother, but... you're kind of an ass when it comes to dating. Don't hurt my friend. That's all I'm saying.”

 

“Or what? You'll kick my ass?”

 

“I could, you know?”

 

“Yeah, I know,” Joe says, resigned.

 

“You could have joined the marines instead of becoming a lawyer, Joe.”

 

“Can you honestly see me as a marine, Johnny?”

 

“No,” John laughs. “You're too prissy!”

 

Joseph slugs his brother in the arm. “You're an asshole!”

 

“I am!”

 

“You're really happy?”

 

John looks at him again. “Never happier, Joey. Promise.”

 

“She's as old as mom!”

 

“Not quite. Look... I love her, okay? I can't help who I fell in love with. It just happened.”

 

“So how the hell did you manage to knock her up? That must be some potent shit you're packing!”

 

John rolls his eyes and sighs again, “We've been round and round about it. She doesn't know. We both thought that she was... you know, but... we were wrong! Anyway, now that we've had a chance to get used to the idea, we're pretty damn excited! It's a boy you know. She wants to name him after me. I didn't want to, but she's already ordered shit with monograms on it.”

 

“Well, if you're happy I'm happy!”

 

“Thanks, Joe. Listen... If you want to pursue Steve, I think that's great. Just... you know. Be sure that you want more than just sex. I don't even think Steve would go for anything less.”

 

“I'll behave. Promise!”

 

Their conversation is cut short when Jana and Hannah join them. “John,” his mother says, smiling through the tears in her eyes, “I'm so happy for you, honey! Karin is the sweetest person I've ever met.”

 

“Just don't ever piss her off. She's got a vindictive streak,” he laughs, and Hannah rolls her eyes but doesn't lose her smile. “Seriously, thanks, mom. That means a lot to me.”

 

Jana has tears in her eyes when she hugs him. “I love you, Johnny,” she whispers.

 

“Love you too, Janie.”

 

A somber hush falls over them as they watch each other for a few minutes. This could very well be the last time they're all in a room together, and they all know it. For all the happiness of this day, it is overshadowed by the knowledge that their brother and son puts his life on the line every single day. That there is a real possibility that he won't live long enough to meet his unborn son. John hugs each of them again, then stands taller, chin held high, and nods before heading for the door.

 

**

 

John stands in front of the small crowd with his hands clasped in front of him while he waits. He feels almost as nervous as he did the day he proposed. He had no right to think that someone like Karin would ever return his affections all those years ago. When he'd first met her, he hadn't given her a second thought. She was the ship's doctor – obviously older than him. She was kind, yet professional, and that was all there was to it. One day he'd been making his rounds and stopped to talk to her, and she'd told him of her romanticized idea of military life – tending soldiers with piercing eyes and sensitive souls. He'd laughed with her, but there was something in the way she looked at him that had his heart in his throat. He'd pretty much been gone from that moment.

 

From that time, he'd made any excuse he could think of to stop in the med-bay just to chat with her. It wasn't long before they were exchanging those shy, coy looks that often precede love affairs. He grew to respect her immensely and find himself craving her company. Soon he realized the depth of his feeling for her, but it wasn't until Ilos that he finally worked up the nerve to make a move, inviting her to his cabin for a drink that turned into a night of passionate love making. If it hadn't been for the Collectors, they might have married years ago.

 

Now, he waits for his bride to appear – the mother of his child – and he would never have imagined that this is where they would end up when they met just before Eden Prime.

 

He looks up when she appears at the back of the chapel, and his heart is in his throat again – mouth instantly dry as he takes in the sight of her. The floor length, sleeveless dress is cut in a deep vee that's cinched just under her breasts with a beaded and sequined applique – the rounded swell of her belly that he's come to absolutely adore shows through the flowing fabric. Her hair has been curled, and she wears a sliver headband to hold it out of her eyes. She smiles at him, and the rest of the room fades away until it's just the two of them.

 

The traditional wedding march begins, and she slowly walks toward him. John feels like he might die before she gets there, but suddenly, she's standing right in front of him, taking his hands in her own. They'd chosen not to have a bridal party since it involved a lot more planning than they wanted to bother with, so Jana steps up from the front row to take her bouquet of white lilies. He wants to touch her, to pull her into his arms and kiss her, but he refrains, gripping her hands and lacing their fingers together instead. He can't keep himself from rubbing his thumbs over the backs of her hands, though, nor can he stop smiling. He probably looks like an idiot, but he can't be bothered to care at the moment.

 

The chaplain begins speaking, but John pays him little mind. All his focus is on the woman in front of him, the love that he feels for her, the consuming desire and hope that their marriage will last longer than a week. They're leaving tomorrow to begin the final assault – to eliminate Cerberus, and hopefully confront the reapers and bring an end to this war. John has never wanted anything so much as to live out the next week and be able to focus on his wife and son. It doesn't seem like too much to ask after all he's given, all he's sacrificed. Standing in front of him is his reason for living, his reason for fighting, and he'll give everything within him to see them safely to the other side.

 

Selfishly, however, all he wants is the chance to hold his son in his arms and to try to be a better husband and father than his own had been. He doesn't want to be Commander Shepard – survivor of Akuze, Hero of the Citadel, Savior of the Galaxy. Not anymore. Those titles are meaningless compared to the ones he takes on today. Husband. Father. Those are the titles he covets. The love and devotion of his wife and child the only accolades he needs. Their faith in him the only medals he cares about.

 

“I, John,” he begins when he's told, “take you, Karin, to be my lawfully wedded wife. To have and to hold, from this day forward, for better or for worse, for richer or for poorer, in sickness and in health, to love and to cherish, til death do us part; and thereto, I pledge myself to you.”

 

Karin repeats the same vows, beaming at him in a way that has his heart racing. He has her wedding band stuck on his pinky finger, and he slides it off now, taking her hand in his, again repeating after the chaplain. “Karin, I choose you, above all others, to be my wife. I offer this ring as a symbol of my commitment to love, honor, respect and remain faithful to you, and with it, I join my life to yours.” He slips the ring onto her finger, gritting his teeth against the tears that threaten to fall. Again she recites the same vow to him, fitting a simple titanium band onto the third finger of his left hand.

 

“Karin and John,” the chaplain states, “having witnessed your vows of love and commitment to one another, it is my great joy and privilege to present you to all gathered here as husband and wife. Commander... you may kiss your bride.”

 

John grins, and takes her face in his hands, bringing his lips to hers. “I love you,” he murmurs, then presses their mouths together gently. It's a slow, sweet kiss that holds all his hopes and dreams, fears and promises, and she returns it with as much love as he feels. Both of their eyes are shiny with unshed tears when they break apart, and they both smile. Interlocking their hands, they turn their bodies toward the crowd, though they can't stop watching each other and grinning. “Ladies and gentlemen,” the chaplain says, “may I present to you, Mr. and Mrs. John Shepard!”

 

The crowd claps – a few attendants cheer and whistle loudly, namely, Jack, James, Wrex, and Grunt – the music starts, and they practically run down the aisle. Once they're in the back of the chapel, John pulls her into the little room off to the side of the entrance meant for the bride to dress and prepare, then yanks her into another – more demanding – kiss. One hand grips her neck, holding her firmly against him, while the other splays across the small of her back, drawing their bodies flush. His tongue delves into her greedily, and she moans at the contact even as she reciprocates. They break apart, giggling, and he can't seem to keep his lips off of her, feathering them all over her face. They're supposed to be going straight to the reception, but he finds his interest lies elsewhere at the moment. Hers does as well, if the heat in her eyes is anything to go by, but she gently pushes him away with a whispered promise to make it worth his while if he will wait. John growls – half excitement and half disappointment – but finally kisses her gently one last time before adjusting himself and taking her hand in his again to lead her to the reception.

 

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thanks for reading! Hope you're enjoying it!
> 
> tumblr: ellebeedarling.tumblr.com
> 
> Much love,  
> Elle


	11. Wedding Night

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> John and Karin spend their wedding night together, and then the short-lived bliss is over.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Possibly the most angsty chapter in the whole story (or maybe the next one is, you decide.) But never fear, happy endings are a guarantee here! :)

John's eyes follow the flowing movement, as Karin's dress slithers to the floor, pooling around her feet. She always wears beautifully, feminine under garments, but what she'd chosen for today has him hard, instantly, and sucking in a sharp breath. The bra is white, but sheer, giving him a clouded view of her perfect breasts. In lieu of panties, she's wearing a thong that has nothing but a patch of lace and strings of jewels to cover her, smooth sex. “Jesus,” he whispers, and she giggles as she watches his eyes traversing her body. John has always found her sexy. She's still amazingly taut and trim. Perhaps there are a few places where she's softer than she had been at his age. Now with her ever growing belly, she sometimes doesn't feel as sexy as she would like, but the way he's looking at her right now – like he wants to devour her – makes her feel like she's the most gorgeous creature alive. And maybe she is – in his eyes at least. In the end, that's all that matters. She's officially Dr. Karin Shepard, wife of the most desirable man in the entire galaxy, and he's looking at her like a dying man looks at a glass of water.

 

His hands actually tremble when he reaches for her, fingers twitching against her waist before he dares to let them slip lower, tracing the string of jewels that descends between her legs in a v shape, eyes tracking the movement. When he finally looks back into her eyes, the heat there makes her shiver, and that seems to be the signal he's been waiting for. His lips are on her in a moment, and there's nothing gentle about the way he kisses her now. All the desire he's ever had for her is channeled into that kiss, that defines heat and lust. Both of their fingers work to divest him of his clothing, and once accomplished, he lifts her easily and settles onto the bed with her.

 

He kneels over her, hands roving, stroking, and kneading every patch of skin he can find, squeezing her breasts through the flimsy fabric of her bra. His fingers are rough with callouses from a thousand battles, and they create a delicious friction against her delicate skin that has her arching into his touch. Their lips come together again, only slightly more gentle than the time before, and John feels like every nerve in his body is on fire. “You're very beautiful, Mrs. Shepard,” he murmurs, trailing his lips up her jaw.

 

“I love the way that sounds,” she admits, gasping as his teeth clamp onto her earlobe.

 

“Me, too.”

 

She reaches between them to take his hardened length in hand, stroking lightly, and he shudders, resting his forehead against hers with a quiet curse. Pre-cum is already leaking from his tip, and she uses her thumb to spread it over the head, eliciting a quiet groan from him. Dazed by the overwhelming pleasure of the simple act, his lips chase after her blindly, hands slowing in their movements until he's finally feeling her skin under his fingers. The whole experience is reminiscent of their first time together when everything was new and novel. There have been times when they've been hasty due to lack of time, or sheer overpowering lust that needs to be slaked, but they have never stopped taking the time to explore each other with that same wonder they felt the very first time.

 

It's one of the things Karin loves most about John, that each time is a new and wonderful thing. They rarely come together just to fill a need. Even with the literal weight of the galaxy on his shoulders, John Shepard makes sure to show her in word and in deed, with each caress of his fingertips or press of his lips that she is the center of his universe. He's told her before that he fights for her. That she – and now Johnny – are his motivation for continuing to plod ahead through the exhaustion and pain and nightmares, and when they come together like this, she knows that it's about more than just fighting and struggling. He is fierce and tender, like raging fire and a gentle spring rain.

 

He removes the ornate thong that is separating him from her, and slides easily into her wetness. They groan together, lips meeting for another searing kiss. They set a lazy rhythm, enjoying the feel of their bodies merging together. John has always been a proficient and attentive lover – never demanding. He's always wanted to make sure she enjoys herself. Tonight is no exception. His lips and fingers work in tandem to stoke the fire building within her until she feels she might combust. Maintaining the slow pace, he increases the force of his thrusts until her speech devolves into inane babble and all she can do is lie there and let him continue his assault on all her senses.

 

They reach the breaking point together, lips firmly mashed against each other, both keening their pleasure, and John holds her tightly, bodies flush. Their bodies tremble, skin damp with sweat, as they descend from their heavenly bliss. “I love you, Karin,” he tells her, and a tear slips out of the corner of her eye.

 

“I love you too, John.”

 

They fall asleep in each others arms. Both refusing to think about tomorrow and how it may be the end of everything. Neither is willing to accept that this is the end of everything. They're just getting started. They're together. Despite the war and devastation all around them, they've found love. They're building a family. This can't be the last night they have together. Tonight, they dream of love and a baby boy with blue eyes just like his father and a sweet smile just like his mother.

 

Tomorrow they will pay the price for their choices.

 

**

 

She's waiting in the shuttle bay for him when he returns from Cronos Station. He's bloody and messy, as he always is when he comes back from a mission. Usually she waits in the med-bay in case there is an injured team member. Most of the time, he's already showered before he comes to see her. If it's been a particularly difficult mission, he might call her to meet him in their cabin. Sometimes after a mission, he just needs the calming reassurance of her presence, her body.

 

Today he is furious, rage roiling off him in waves. He sees her and shakes his head in disappointment. “Joker, tell Hackett we're ready,” he barks toward the ceiling, then heads for the workbench. She follows him.

 

“What happened?”

 

“The Illusive Man wasn't there,” he sighs. “I at least got the satisfaction of killing that fucker, Leng.” She watches him take his sniper rifle off his back and dismantle it. Every year she has to be re-certified at the rifle range, demonstrating proficiency in not only hitting targets, but in taking her weapon apart and cleaning it. She always passes. John had even given her some pointers to improve her accuracy, but she could never hope to match him for speed and efficiency in cleaning and reassembling his weapons.

 

They are silent as he works, readying his weapons for the next mission. Earth. They're scared, though neither will admit it out loud. To voice it would be to invite the fear to fester and grow, so they both squash it violently, refusing to give it a footing. But that's not going to stop her from staying close to his side for as long as she can. This could be it – their last hours together – and they both know it. Instead of spending what little time could be left making love or even just holding each other, they are forced to accept that this is the hand they've been dealt.

 

They will be at Earth in just a few hours, and then he will be gone for hours or days fighting until the end. There will be no regular status updates like usual missions. Normandy will be in the battle above Earth while John is on the ground below.

 

_Please let him come back to me_ , she thinks as she watches him strip off the pieces of his armor one at a time to clean and repair them before snapping each one back into place. There is no need to remove it. He could very well spend the rest of his life in this construct of black and red ablative plating. Selfishly, she reaches a hand out to rest over his heart when he removes the chest plate. _Please don't let this be the last time!_

 

His eyes meet hers, and he brings a finger up to trace down the side of her face. He offers her a weak smile, and returns to work. Neither of them say a word. It's over too soon, and she can't help the sob that escapes her lips when Joker informs them that Admiral Hackett is requesting permission to board the Normandy. He waits until the last piece of armor is snapped into place, sealing with a hiss and a click before taking her face between his still bare hands and bringing their lips together. “I love you, Karin.”

 

“I love you too, John.”

 

“Permission granted,” Shepard says to the pilot before squeezing her hand and re-holstering all his rifle and pistol, newly cleaned and ready for the next mission.

 

**

 

She's waiting for him in the shuttle bay again as the ground team filters out of the elevator. She greets each one, hugging Tali, Liara, and Ashley. She may not only be saying goodbye to her husband today, but also to her closest friends of the last nearly four years. Garrus and James both tell her goodbye. Javik ignores her. The Prothean ignores most everyone, though, so she's not offended.

 

John is the last one to enter the shuttle bay, and she's never seen him looking so determined. The bay door is open, and the blue arc of Earth can be seen through the shield that keeps the environment inside the shuttle breathable. The battle is already raging outside the illusion of safety they feel on the Normandy. Reality is that one well placed reaper blast would cut through the Normandy more easily than the Collectors had the first time, and it would all be over. Still, they hold out hope.

 

He has no time. All he wants is just a few more months. Just to hold his son one time.

 

That's a lie.

 

He wants to grow old with Karin. He wants to do the things dads and sons do together. He wants to wake up in a real house with a real yard that needs mowing and worry about paying the electric bill and wonder what she's doing to make for dinner. He wants to change diapers, watch first steps, kiss scraped knees, teach his son to hold a pistol and defend himself. Wants to read stories and for the three of them to snuggle into bed. He wants to play Santa Claus and see the joy on his son's face on Christmas morning, and to surprise Karin with weekend trips to the tropics where they can make love all weekend while his mother babysits.

 

He wants all the time in the universe, and all he has are a few brief moments to try to put into words what his heart is feeling. In the end, he decides that it's impossible, and settles for kissing her like he's never kissed her before. It's the kiss of a man who thinks he will never return, and they both know it. She refuses to crumble though. If he dies, she will mourn him, but she will be strong now because he needs her to be. It's too much to ask him to shoulder her fear on top of everything else.

 

She sees the conflict in his eyes when he breaks the kiss, but she doesn't comment. John drops to his knees, and kisses her belly, wrapping his arms around her and resting his forehead against her. He's murmuring something so low that she can't make it out, but she can imagine he's telling their unborn son how much he wants the chance to meet him. When he stands, his face is set with steely determination. He kisses her once more and nods, turning away without a word.

 

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thanks for reading! :)
> 
> Much love,   
> Elle


	12. Alive

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Karin recovers John's body in the wreckage of the Citadel and sets to work saving her husband's life.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This chapter is kinda sad too. Things start looking up next chapter. Sorry I didn't get it posted yesterday on the regular schedule. Hope you enjoy! :)

James is writhing in agony on the bed in the med bay. Javik is injured as well, but his injuries can wait. Most of the lieutenant's side is currently ripped open, and he's losing too much blood. If John hadn't called the Normandy in for evac, James would be dead right now. Instead, he's fighting for his life, and John is gone. She did get to see him one last time when she came to the shuttle bay to retrieve the lieutenant. He'd kissed her fiercely and told her goodbye and that he'd always love her no matter what, and then she'd watched him run toward almost certain death.

 

The ship rocks nearly uncontrollably, and she feels a wave of nausea that she has to force down as she attaches her safety harness to the side of James' bed. She then straps the lieutenant down and gets to work. She'd learned how to work under pressure during her years as a doctor in the Navy. This isn't the first time she's had to patch up wounded soldiers while the pilot took the ship through insane, evasive maneuvers.

 

She forces thoughts of John out of her head while she works on patching James up. Once he is sedated, she cleans the wound. Javik informs her that a Mako had exploded and nearly landed on Vega. The Commander had lifted the bulky man and carried him to safety. That's John, she thinks with a wistful smile. He is always putting the needs and safety of others above himself. It's what makes him such a good leader. It's why his crew are so loyal to him and by proxy, to her and Johnny.

 

More than one crew member has promised her that they will look after her while the Commander is away. No one wants to think about the possibility that he may never return. She doesn't either, but she's had to. She won't have time to allow herself to fall apart should the worst come to pass, so she's done the best she can to accept that he may not return and focus on her work.

 

The wound is clean, so she begins to sew him up, while Novak hands her the materials she needs. He needs stitches inside and out to keep him from bleeding internally. Her hands work from memory, and she applies a thick layer of medi-gel to the stitches inside before sewing up the skin on the outside and applying another thick layer. It will still leave a nasty scar, but at least he's no longer in danger of bleeding out. She starts on the gash in his face next. It's not life threatening, but the sooner she deals with it, the smaller the scar will be, though she knows these marines love their battle scars. John wears each of his as a badge of honor.

 

He'd struggled when he'd woken up on Lazarus Station with nothing but the strange glowing orange scars traversing his body a year ago. He'd lamented the loss of the scars he'd had before he'd died. They'd told the story of his life – the time he fell out of a tree during a rare family vacation on Elysium and broken his arm. The bone had come through the skin and left a nasty looking scar on his forearm. The scar in his hairline above his left eye where he'd been in a skycar accident as a teen. Numerous bullet and knife wounds from a lifetime spent as a soldier. Even the scar that dissected his right eyebrow where his father had shoved him face first into a wall in a fit of rage. All the scars told his story, and they'd been removed.

 

His skin tells a new story now. He'd re-earned the scar in his hairline on the Collector ship, when his team had been ambushed and the platform he'd been standing on had thrown him head first into the control panel. After this battle – if he lives through it – she has no doubt that there will be even more of his story written in code across his body.

 

“All hands brace for impact,” Joker suddenly shouts, breaking her out of her reverie.

 

She comms the pilot, “What's happening, Joker?”

 

“The crucible just fired,” he informs her. “He did it.”

 

The silence stretches as she tries to hold herself upright. She can feel the shift within the ship as it accelerates toward the planet's surface. Novak instructs Javik to connect his safety harness, and the Prothean does so as Karin tightens the straps holding James to the bed. She pulls the straps of her own harness to make sure she will be held fast just as the Normandy impacts with the ground.

 

The lights go out instantly. Emergency power kicks in immediately, though, so that is a good sign. “Status report,” Ashley says over the ship's comm. She's John's XO. For the time being, she's their CO.

 

Karin feels nauseous again.

 

She unstraps her safety harness and reports to Ashley that everyone in the med-bay is fine and that she will continue working on James and Javik unless there are injuries that need her attention. Novak takes over doctoring James' face so that Karin can assess Javik's injuries. The Prothean is his usual helpful self, so she quits asking him what's wrong and just scans him with her omni-tool. He has a broken arm and a few minor scratches. It doesn't take her long to set the bone, and she leaves Novak to finish casting it while she makes her way to the CIC to find out what exactly has transpired – and more importantly if they've heard from John.

 

They seem to have gotten off lucky, all things considered. EDI is the only crew casualty – assuming John is alive somewhere. Their positioning software is still working, and they've actually crashed on Earth. Communications are down however. “He was on the Citadel,” Karin informs Ashley. “We can take the shuttle.”

 

Ashley looks her over for a few minutes. They're on Earth. It would be better if they were near London – they're in the rain forest jungles of Asia – but at least they don't have to try to figure out how to get home from where they are. The fleet is gone – having jumped the relay just before the blast reached it. The fact that comms are down is a bad sign. There's no way to get in touch with Hackett, or anyone for that matter. They need to get the Normandy airborne again, but the doctor is right. None of the crew will be able to rest or focus until they know Shepard's fate. The younger woman nods, “Take Garrus and Liara.”

 

“Thank you, Ash,” she whispers, gripping her friend's hands tightly.

 

“Karin,” Ashley stops her, “I hope he's okay.”

 

The doctor can only nod. She pages Garrus, Liara, and Steve then heads to the med-bay to pack a bag of supplies. There's no telling what she will find once they get to the Citadel. The mood in the shuttle is somber. No one wants to speak, and Karin stares at the floor until Cortez breaks the silence. “My god! They're dead... all of them.”

 

Karin's chest seizes up, and she lurches out of her chair to look out the virtual windows of the shuttle. Thousands of reaper corpses orbit – lifeless – around the Earth. She takes a moment to wonder how in the hell they will clean all this up. “The geth, too,” she says quietly, pointing into the distance at the listlessly floating geth ships. EDI had gone offline just as the energy wave from the crucible had overtaken Normandy. It made sense that the geth had suffered the same fate.

 

“Damn,” Garrus said, peering at the devastation over her shoulder.

 

“Citadel's coming into view,” Steve says, and they all gasp – even Garrus – when they see it. The station is nearly destroyed. One arm is broken off completely. Another is broken into several pieces that are slowly drifting away from the main hulk of the station.

 

“There,” she says, pointing. “The Crucible!”

 

“Or what's left of it,” Liara says. “Goddess... how could he...” She lets her thought die in the air, afraid to finish it. Karin sucks in a sharp breath and rests a hand on her stomach. _It's too soon to give up hope,_ she reminds herself. A heavy weight rests on her shoulder, and she looks up to find Garrus' eyes.

 

“I promised him I'd take care of you,” he says quietly, “and the baby. We're not going to give up yet, though.” He nods at her firmly, eyes set in a way that almost reminds her of John's own determination, and she gives him a small smile.

 

“Thank you.”

 

Cortez pilots the shuttle toward the Crucible and begins scanning for life signs. “There are pockets of breathable air all over the station, and I'm reading multiple life signs.”

 

Karin is the ranking officer aboard the shuttle. “Scan the area around the Crucible,” she orders. “We need to find... the Commander first.”

 

“Aye, ma'am,” Cortez replies and directs his scans that way. “One life sign, ma'am,” he says after what feels like an eternity. “It's weak, I'm afraid.”

 

“Get me to him quickly then,” she says, voice cracking. Garrus squeezes her shoulder again, and she grips his hand, holding tightly.

 

It seems to take another eternity for the shuttle to find a place to dock. Karin isn't a field doctor. She is accustomed to the sterile conditions of the ship, but she will do whatever the hell she has to in order to save her husband. They all don their breather masks, and she's grateful for it the moment they step off the shuttle. She's never seen such carnage in her life. Piles and piles of mutilated corpses line the corridor they emerge into, and she sees the beam that Javik told her about on the far side of the room. John had taken it to get from Earth to the Citadel. He'd come through here and witnessed all this just before he'd destroyed the reapers forever.

 

Garrus carries a stretcher for her, and she sets her omni-tool up to scan for the life sign. They make their way carefully forward, trying to avoid stepping in puddles of rotting human. More than once, she is sure that she will vomit, but eventually they come out of the hallway into another room full of shifting walls. “It reminds me of the Shadow Broker's old ship,” Liara says. “This is part of the Citadels' drive core, I would guess.”

 

“There's another room ahead,” Garrus says, pointing a bony finger.

 

They pick up their pace, and she sees that they are getting closer to that fading life. “Hang on, John,” she mutters. They come across the Illusive Man's corpse. The side of his head has been blown open, and he's holding a pistol in his hand. Anderson is slumped against a low wall in the center of the room, and they know he is dead before they get to him. Karin kneels in front of the Admiral and closes his eyes. “Rest well, old friend,” she says. “After we find John, we will come back for him.” She stands and scans the room. There is a pile of rubble on the far side, and the weak signal seems to be emanating from it. “There!”

 

Garrus drops the stretcher, and he and Liara begin moving rubble – Garrus with his claws and Liara with her biotics. When they see him, they all let out a strangled sound. He may be alive for the moment, but if they don't act soon, he won't stay that way. There is a momentary period of panic where Karin can neither move nor breathe, but she shakes it away and slides onto her knees beside him. This is not her husband. This is her patient. She has to separate the two or no amount of training will overcome her urge to throw herself on top of him and weep.

 

His breaths are shallow, ragged, and she fits him with an oxygen mask. His skin is burned, armor melted to him in places, but she finds some skin at his neck that she can clean and attach the IV. He groans when the needle pierces his skin, and she looks at his face to find his eyelids fluttering. “I'm here, John,” she says calmly. “Try to relax, darling.” She sets the IV to drip a steady stream of potassium and morphine into his system.

 

“K... Karin,” he moans. “L-love...” His fingers spasm against her thigh for a moment before he loses consciousness again.

 

“I love you too, John.” She squeezes his hand. “Get him to the shuttle,” she says through her tears. Once he is secure, Garrus and Liara go back to retrieve Admiral Anderson. The man at least deserves a decent burial. While they're gone, Karin takes inventory of John's injuries. He will be lucky to live the night, she thinks while tears roll down her cheeks. If he were any other soldier, she would simply try to make him comfortable, but this isn't some ordinary soldier. This is the Savior of the Galaxy. More importantly, he's her husband and the father of her child. If there's a way for him to be saved, she will find it.

 

She's busy trying to remove the remaining damaged pieces of his armor when Garrus and Liara return. “Get us back to Normandy quickly,” she instructs Steve, then requests Liara's help in removing the ruined metal. His skin is covered with scrapes and burns. There's a bullet wound in his left shoulder and a gash in his left side. His under armor is soaked with blood on that side, and she starts to cut it away, pulling it off and dropping it onto the floor.

 

John grunts in pain when she dabs at the wound to clean it, and she mutters a curse as she ups the amount of morphine flowing through the IV. Damn his stubborn stamina and metabolism. She's always had a hard time keeping him sedated. She'd once teased him about needing elephant tranquilizers to keep him down for any length of time. Once she's fairly confident that he's out, she continues working on the gash in his side. Other than internal injuries, this one is the most life threatening. She won't be able to deal with the internal until they're back on the ship. She injects medi-gel into the port she'd installed in his arm along with his heavy skin weave. The gel will travel along the paths of the weave, working to heal his skin from the inside out. She will have to administer many doses.

 

They make it back to the Normandy, and Ashley comes into the med-bay as they are moving him from the stretcher to the bed. “I'll need Liara, Novak, and Chamberlain,” she says tersely, and Ashley nods. Ignoring Commander Williams, Karin begins barking orders to Liara and Novak to bring her supplies or inject him with certain drugs that will aid his body's own healing processes. He's in surgery for eight hours as she repairs his internal injuries, including his broken left leg. Tomorrow, she will go to work on repairing his damaged skin. Luckily, his cybernetic implants are already working to heal him from the inside out. Another reason to thank Cerberus.

 

She's exhausted and covered in blood – John's blood – and tears when she finally makes her way up to the captain's cabin. She washes quickly, pulling on her favorite of John's N7 t-shirts and a pair of leggings before grabbing a blanket and heading back to the med-bay.

 

His wedding ring has somehow managed to survive whatever almost killed John, and she fiddles with it as she holds his hand, finally letting herself be nothing more than a concerned wife. Her hand strokes gently over his forehead while she watches him sleep. Fatigue overtakes her, however, and she kisses his lips gently before climbing onto the adjacent table and passing out.

 

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thanks for reading! 
> 
> If you're interested, I'm on tumblr: ellebeedarling.tumblr.com
> 
> Much love,   
> Elle


	13. Healing

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> John is on the mend, and he and the Normandy crew keep doing what they do - working to put the galaxy back together again.

Steve begins rescue efforts with the shuttle immediately. Ashley orders him and Garrus to bring as many survivors from the Citadel back to Earth as they can. They are able to fly to a nearby town and find more working shuttles to make the job easier. Karin dresses and eats a light breakfast before getting back to work on John. She keeps only Chamberlain with her, allowing Liara and Novak to assist the refugees from the Citadel. It takes her the better part of the day to repair the most extensive skin damage. By the time she's done, she feels like he will be happy with the amount of new scars he will still have, but the worst scars have been replaced with the same synthetic protein overlay that she'd used on his face after the Collector attack.

 

The only thing to do now is wait for him to wake up. Reluctantly, she heads to the refugee camp set up outside the ship and begins helping with the incoming patients. Every hour, she goes back inside to check on John and James. The lieutenant wakes first, grunting in pain, and Karin has to force him to remain lying down. “You're not fit for duty, lieutenant,” she informs him. He huffs, and turns his head to the side, seeing the Commander for the first time.

 

“He's alive?”

 

“Yes,” she says quietly, and James lets out a long breath.

 

“Gracias a Dios!”

 

“Agreed,” she tells him with a small smile. “He still has a long road of recovery ahead of him, though.”

 

“At least he gets the chance.” He takes her hand and gives it a gentle squeeze. “I'm glad for you and the little tyke. Little Man deserves a chance to get to know his dad. Especially a dad like Shepard.”

 

“Thank you, James,” she says sincerely. “Please rest, alright? Do you need some food or water?”

 

“Water would be great.”

 

Karin sends Chamberlain out to find the lieutenant some water and ration bars while she checks on John. His vitals are stable, and there is no more internal bleeding. She's dialed back the morphine, but she wants to keep him sleeping awhile longer. His body needs to recuperate, and she knows John. If he thinks he can get up, he will regardless of what his doctor tells him.

 

**

 

She can only keep him sedated for four days before his cybernetics override the drugs in his system, and he wakes anyway. It feels like a new record for her. Though she chooses not to think about the two years he was being reconstructed by Cerberus. She's sleeping on the table beside him in the med-bay when she hears him, “Karin?”

 

“I'm here, darling,” she's on her feet and at his side in an instant, holding his hand in hers. He groans as he tries to move. “Lie still, darling,” she says, and he looks at her, eyes blinking slowly around the drug in his system. She turns the morphine off, knowing that she would have to give him a near lethal dose to keep him sedated at this point, and that he'd rather deal with the pain than the groggy feeling of drugs.

 

“What happened,” he manages around his dry tongue. Karin gets him a bottle of water and helps him sit up enough to take a few sips.

 

“The reapers are dead.”

 

“Anderson, too?”

 

“Yes.”

 

He sighs and brings a heavy hand to his forehead. “EDI and the geth?”

 

“Yes.”

 

“Dammit! That's what he said would happen.”

 

“Who?”

 

“The Catalyst... it was an intelligence, created by Leviathan to preserve life at all costs. The reapers were it's 'solution,'” he makes air quotes around the word then curses again and lets his hands fall to the bed with a thunk. “Tired,” he mutters.

 

“Go back to sleep, my love,” she says, brushing her fingers over his forehead.

 

“It's over?”

 

“Yes, darling, it seems to be. The fleets are gone though and communications are down, but all the reapers in the Sol System are inert.”

 

He brings his hands back to his face and sobs, then reaches for her. Karin climbs onto the bed with him and holds him while he cries himself to sleep. She wakes again with the morning, and finds him still sleeping. Pressing her lips to his forehead, she tries to disentangle herself from him without waking him, but ultimately, fails. “Morning,” he murmurs, burying his face in her neck. “Can I go upstairs?” She lets out a chuckle and tells him she'll see what she can do. “How are you,” he asks. “I didn't even think to ask last night.”

 

“I'm alright,” she replies with a smile. “Better now that you're awake.”

 

“And the baby?” His hand smooths over the swell of her belly.

 

“He's fine. I've been eating and resting plenty.”

 

He nods slowly and his eyelids begin to droop again. Soon he's snoring softly. The next time he wakes, she dresses him in a pair of gym shorts and enlists Garrus and Steve to help him upstairs. He's gasping for breath and in immense pain by the time the two men settle him onto the bed. John sprawls out on top of the covers, mutters, “Thanks,” then drifts off to sleep before anyone can even leave the room. It's two weeks before he can do more than shuffle to the bathroom a few times a day. She keeps him attached to an IV for fluids, but she scans him daily and is amazed by his rapid progress. Maybe she can get Miranda to share some of the schematics for his implants. The technology could help billions of people.

 

The first time he's able to make it downstairs for a meal with the crew is more than three weeks after the Crucible was fired. He's greeted by cheers and salutes which overwhelm him to the point that he's fighting back tears. He tries to convey his gratitude, but chokes on his emotion and in the end just nods his thanks and sits at the table with his tray. James and Garrus strike up a conversation to take everyone's focus off the Commander, and he is finally able to relax and enjoy himself.

 

A month after the war's end, Karin declares him fit for light duty, and Ashley relinquishes command of the Normandy back to him. The first thing he does is order Tali and Garrus to investigate the relay and the local comm buoy. The fleets still haven't made it back to Earth, and the Normandy only has enough dextro rations to last a year. There is less levo food, but since they're on Earth, that's not an issue. He needs to get his friends home, or at least get the turian and quarian fleets back here so his friends don't starve to death. He has Liara research dextro food production methods to see what they can come up with just in case.

 

The colony around the Normandy has grown to several hundred, and Shepard orders some of the other shuttles to scout out new areas that are already cleared for farmland so that they don't have to destroy any more of the rain forest trying to provide housing for the refugees. Whenever he leaves the ship, he's practically swarmed by people wanting to express their gratitude and appreciation, so he rarely goes outside. When he does, he takes James and Ash to act as his body guards.

 

With a new colony site found, he sends Javik and Ash on an exploratory mission to find other pockets of Alliance soldiers around the globe and to find out exactly what has become of the husks and other reaper thralls. Also, they have no damn idea who is in charge at this point. As far as the Normandy is concerned, Shepard is in charge, but they don't even know if there are any ranking officers left alive. The Council – if it even survived – is aboard the Destiny Ascension, wherever it is, and Parliament was destroyed before the reapers even attacked Earth. Things will devolve rather quickly in the absence of leadership – if they're not already.

 

Garrus and Tali report that the keepers are at work repairing the relay and that with the proper equipment they can easily repair the comm buoy. He grants them permission to scour the geth ships for tech and parts that they can use, but they are strictly forbidden to tamper with the geth themselves. Perhaps they will be able to find a way to bring them back online in time. Shepard hopes so at least. He fought too hard for them to have a chance only to lose it now.

 

Slowly life falls into a rhythm – the new normal. Figuring out how everyone is going to survive now that they can't just run to the supermarket to pick up what they need consumes most of their waking hours. It's a far cry from war strategy and constant battle, and Shepard feels at ease for the first time in years. He could definitely get used to a life like this, despite the fact that these people are all looking to him for leadership. Once contact is established with other colonies around the planet, the leaders of each settlement form a sort of parliament to deal with planet wide concerns. Shepard is of course elected as the leader of this corner of the Earth.

 

Karin's belly grows bigger by the day, it seems, as baby Johnny grows. It's a few months before John has the stamina to make love to her the way he wants to – hell, he's just thankful it still works. So many things could have gone wrong, that it's rather a miracle that they're able to have anything at all. In the mean time, it's mostly hand jobs for both of them. By the time he's able to do more, her stomach as gotten so large as to make it logistically difficult. Karin feels embarrassed and somewhat ashamed, but John smiles at her and murmurs sweet words into her ear reminding her that they have their whole lives ahead of them now, and that he still finds her more beautiful than anyone he's ever known. Truth be told, there's something so incredibly sexy about the fact that she's pregnant with his child. When he finally gets her to relax enough to be willing to ride him, he keeps his hands on her belly the entire time to let her know how much he loves it.

 

She's only two weeks from her due date and is barely able to work more than three or four hours a day when they finally hear from Admiral Hackett. The fleets are stranded in the Arcturus Stream, waiting for the keepers to finish repairing the relay. The Charon relay is nearing completion, but every time anyone sends a team in to try to help with the repairs, the keepers start shutting themselves down. Shepard finally brings a motion to the new parliament – which consists of fifty humans from regions around the globe, plus at least two representatives for each other species stranded on the planet, including Garrus and Tali – to ban any interference with the relay. If they lost all the keepers, they would be up shit creek with no way to repair the damned thing. The motion passes and then all they can do is go back to waiting.

 

Six months to the day that he fired the Crucible, Karin wakes him in the middle of the night.

 

Baby Johnny is ready to make his appearance.

 

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thanks for reading and, hopefully, enjoying! :) 
> 
> Much love,   
> Elle


	14. Oh, Baby

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> John and Karin welcome their child into the world.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Vivid descriptions of labor and childbirth in this chapter, just in case that sort of thing freaks you out! Also, some of Shepard's reactions are based off my own husband's when I was in labor. :)

John is still groggy with sleep. He still tires far too easily, and he's been thrust right back into a position of having to deal with everyone's problems. At least he is no longer taking gunfire on a regular basis. He mutters something in his sleep, then burrows deeper into the covers.

 

“John!” She practically shouts, and he sits up on high alert. She thinks he reaches toward his hip for a pistol that isn't there, but when he sees her, he relaxes somewhat.

 

“What's wrong?”

 

“The baby is coming,” she says, voice strained.

 

He flings the covers back and gets to his feet, searching for something to put on. He manages to find a pair of sweats and a t-shirt, and his fingers fumble as he pulls them on. “What can I do?”

 

“I need to get Novak to check me to see how dilated I am. I've been having contractions for a couple of hours now, but they're coming closer together... and the pain is becoming... difficult to bear.”

 

“Why the hell didn't you wake me?” he asks, glancing around for some shoes. He finally give up and heads toward the door, supporting her as she struggles.

 

“You need your sleep,” she says.

 

“Not if you need my help, Karin. Do you want me to carry you?”

 

“No... I'll... it'll be good for me to walk.”

 

It's obvious that it pains him to watch her struggle to the door, but he leaves her be, holding lightly to her elbow, ready to do whatever needs doing. He helps her onto a bed in the med-bay before going to wake Novak, then stands over the bed chewing on his fingernail as he watches his wife being examined. The whole thing is somewhat awkward for him, but it is what it is. “Only two centimeters,” Novak says. “It's going to be awhile.”

 

“What do we do?” John asks.

 

“Walking will help move things along,” the Sergeant informs him. “Dr. Shepard, do you want me to call for one of the doctors from the settlement?”

 

“Yes,” John says before Karin has a chance to answer.

 

“I think she was asking me,” she says, giving him a look. “I don't think it will be necessary.”

 

“No offense meant to Novak,” he says, giving the woman a pointed look, “but she's not a doctor, Karin. I'm not taking any chances here!”

 

“She's a trained midwife, John. She knows what she's doing.”

 

“And exactly how many deliveries has she overseen?”

 

“This will be the first, Commander,” Novak informs him.

 

“Call the doctor,” he orders, ignoring Karin's attempts to protest. When his wife scowls at him, his expression softens. “Please, Karin.”

 

She finally relents, and he presses his lips to hers with a murmured, “Thank you.”

 

The next six hours are spent in limbo. He walks with her up and down the corridor from starboard observation to the port side lounge until his legs and back are killing him, but he doesn't dare complain. When she gets bored of the scenery, they walk into the mess and make their way toward the battery and back until Garrus pokes his head out with an angry glare. Seeing what's going on, his expression changes to one of nervous anticipation. In fact, they've attracted quite a crowd. The entire ground team is in the mess, watching nervously, along with a few straggling crewmen.

 

Karin is somewhat embarrassed that she's prowling the ship in her nightgown, but if it embarrasses John to be wandering around in his pajamas, he doesn't let on. There's little modesty on a ship as it is. It's not like she can stop the baby from coming until they can put the galaxy back together and move to a real hospital. Johnathan Reese Shepard the Second will be born aboard the Normandy.

 

“Can you eat?” He asks.

 

“No but you can.”

 

“I'm not going to eat in front of you while you're going through this,” he says, sounding almost insulted. He does accept a cup of coffee from Ashley and gives her a grateful nod. He's just taken the first sip when Karin stops and lets out a squawking noise. “What?” he asks, panicked.

 

“My water just broke!”

 

He looks down at the puddle on the floor and mutters, “Oh, god! Okay...” He forces her to sit in the nearest chair while he gets the mop to clean up the mess. One of the crewmen offers to do it for him, but he refuses. Somehow it feels like a burden he alone should bear. When he's done, he kneels in front of her, “What can I do?”

 

“I should probably get Novak to check me again,” she says, but she's taken by a violent contraction, doubling over until her head is resting on his shoulder. She makes an ungodly noise that has John's eyes bugging out of his head, and she squeezes his biceps so hard he knows he'll have bruises tomorrow.

 

“Christ,” he mutters.

 

When the pain passes, she looks at him. “Med-bay,” she chokes, and he lifts her up to carry her into the room, still strong enough to make it seem effortless. Novak engages the privacy glass so that she can examine Karin without the audience. The doctor in the settlement came to check her over and promised to come back when it got closer to time.

 

“Eight centimeters,” Novak announces. “I would imagine it will be another couple of hours.”

 

“Shit,” John says, looking at Karin. She's already exhausted, and she hasn't really done anything yet. He starts chewing on his fingernail again as he watches her.

 

“This is normal, Commander,” Novak assures him. He glances up at her and gives her a short nod. It doesn't make him feel any better. He doesn't like seeing her in pain. Not at all. He's always been the one to bear the burden, the pain, not her.

 

He takes her hand in his and brushes the fingers of his other hand over her forehead. “Is there anything you need,” he asks, knowing what the answer will be, but not being able to keep from asking. She shakes her head and grips his hand painfully tight as another contraction grips her. “What about pain medicine,” he turns to Novak.

 

“She's already taken something, but there's only so much they can do to take the edge off. She can have an epidural, but the doctor will have to administer it.”

 

“Epidural? What's that?”

 

“An injection into her spine. It will numb her from the waist down.”

 

“Sounds dangerous as hell,” he says, shaking his head.

 

“I don't want it,” Karin says.

 

“Dr. Shepard, it will make the process more endurable,” Novak tries. “My sister had one with both of hers and said she didn't feel a thing.”

 

“I don't want it,” she repeats more firmly then breaks off into a loud growl as another pain washes over her. John feels sick to his stomach, but stays by her side, letting her draw strength from him if she needs it. Though, to be honest, he doesn't feel that he has anything to offer at the moment. “Shit, it hurts,” she says, looking up at him with wild eyes.

 

“I'm sorry,” he whispers, feeling like total shit. “Do you want to try walking again?”

 

“N-no... yes... yes, I do. Anything to speed the process along.”

 

John helps her up, but they're stopped three times on the way to the door as she doubles over. He braces himself so that she can lean against him, and rubs circles on her lower back to help ease her tension. Suddenly he remembers that they'd watched some birthing classes months ago. He wracks his brain trying to recall the breathing techniques demonstrated in the vid. He gives up when she starts her mournful wail again, and holds her as close as he can without feeling like he's crowding her.

 

“Take me outside?” She asks, and he doesn't even ask, just scoops her into his arms and carries her to the elevator. Once they're outside, he sets her down just in time for another contraction. It becomes evident that she was holding in her noises of pain on the ship, knowing that sound carried better than most people realized. Outdoors, she is louder and more vehement in her curses, and John can't help but chuckle.

 

“Let it all out, honey,” he says, smiling at her.

 

“It fucking hurts,” she tells him.

 

“I'll bet. It won't be too much longer,” he assures her. Their progress is slow, but at least there is no audience at the moment. They sludge through the dirt and damp grass until she can take it no longer. Another hour has passed by the time they make it back indoors.

 

“Leave me here, and go get the bag with his things,” she orders him, and he chuckles at her again before doing as he's told. The bag contains diapers and blankets and other things that are necessary for newborns, but that she didn't have room to store in the med-bay. He's back before the next contraction and passes the bag to Novak who sets to work preparing for the baby.

 

Novak checks her again, and declares that she's nine and a half centimeters now. She then calls Dr. Quinlan from the settlement. John is pacing the floor when the doctor arrives. He pumps the man's hand absently, racing back to Karin's side when another contraction hits. Dr. Quinlan checks her again and informs them that she's finally ten centimeters and that she can start pushing whenever she gets ready. John's eyes widen, and he looks at her. “Ready?” he asks, and she shakes her head.

 

“I don't think I can do this, John.”

 

“Yes you can,” he says, voice soft and soothing. “I believe in you, and I'll be right here the whole time. I'm not going anywhere.” He brushes the hair back off her forehead and plants a kiss there. “I love you, Karin. You can do this.”

 

“Push with the next contraction, Dr. Shepard,” Quinlan says. John stands on one side of her, holding her hand and trying to whisper soothing words to her, while Novak stands opposite him counting to ten slow and steady through the first contraction. She releases her breath with a yell, and Quinlan praises her efforts. “Commander, it would help if you could hold her leg back, give her something to push against. Sergeant Novak, if you could do the same on the other side. Birthing beds typically have stirrups and handles to assist. Unfortunately, these beds are not equipped with those things.

 

John loops his arm under her leg and she takes hold of his hand like they're about to arm wrestle. With his free hand he combs through her hair. When the next contraction comes, she bears down against their arms and screams through the pain. John whispers encouragements to her while Novak counts, and the next hour passes with more of the same. He watches her body weaken, and he can't stand it. If he could somehow go through this pain for her, he would in a heartbeat. There's nothing for him to do but keep being there for her, however, and he knows it.

 

Her body is trembling in pain, and it's all he can do to get her to relax between contractions that are coming close to every thirty seconds now. How the hell have women been enduring this shit for centuries? And why the hell would anyone ever want to do it again? His mom had pushed out two at one time. He had an all new respect for the woman.

 

“The head is crowning,” Dr. Quinlan finally announces. “Do you want to see it, Commander.”

 

He really doesn't, but he feels like he should. He quickly peeks, astounded at how much hair the baby has on his head. “He's got a lot of black hair,” he says with awe, and suddenly the whole stretched out of whack vagina thing isn't as repulsive to him as it was before. In fact, he's having a hard time tearing his eyes away from it. “Push, honey, he's almost here,” he says, breathless.

 

“John, I can't!”

 

“Yes you can, Karin,” he says, focusing on her face once more, and leaning his forehead against hers. “He's almost here, babe. It's almost over! Come on, you can do it! In just a few minutes, you'll be holding him in your arms.” He wipes the sweat from her brow and presses his lips to it. “It's almost over,” he murmurs. “Just a little bit more, my love.”

 

She's crying, but when the next contraction hits, she pushes against John and Novak with all her might, and Dr. Quinlan says, “The head is out now, Dr. Shepard. No more pushing just yet.”

 

“I have to,” she shouts. “It fucking hurts!”

 

“One moment, please,” the doctor says. John looks at the baby's face as Quinlan suctions the mucus from his nose and throats. His face is all squished up, and he's covered in blood and some thick white substance, but he looks absolutely beautiful to John.

 

“Oh my god,” he breathes, running a hand over his own stubbly hair. Johnny lets out a little squeak, and Dr. Quinlan slides his hand up into Karin to move the baby's shoulder out of the birth canal.

 

“One more big push, Dr. Shepard,” he says, and she obeys. John watches as his son slips from his mother's body into the world. Johnny is wailing for all he's worth, and his father can't stop the tears that spill from his eyes, not that he wants to.

 

He looks into her green eyes, exhaustion written on her every feature, and they're both smiling. “You did it! He's here!” He kisses her hard on the lips.

 

“It's a boy,” Dr. Quinlan announces. “Commander, do you want to cut the umbilical cord?”

 

“Hell yes!” He grins and takes the scissors, cutting the cord and wanting to touch his son, but trying to refrain until they're done doing what they need to do. Novak spreads a blanket over Karin's stomach, and Dr. Quinlan places the baby on it, rubbing vigorously to get all the blood and the white paste off of him. Karin cries out at the sight of him, touching the soft tuft of hair on top of his head before Novak takes him to weigh and measure him.

 

“Twenty inches exactly, and eight pounds, nine ounces,” she tells them as she wraps him in a clean blanket and pulling a tiny blue hat over his head before finally placing him in his mother's arms.

 

Tears are rolling down both of their cheeks as they stare in wonder at the miracle they've been blessed with. John had never given much thought to being a father before Karin told him she was pregnant, but seeing his son makes him realize that this is all he's ever wanted out of life. Dr. Quinlan informs them that he needs to deal with the afterbirth and getting Karin cleaned up, and suggests that he take the baby from her. He swallows, Adam's apple bobbing with the movement, and reaches down to take his son into his arms for the first time. Karin watches his face and revels in the pure joy, awe, and love she sees there clearly. He glances at her, smile widening, then his eyes are right back on the baby in his arms. He brushes the back of his finger against Johnny's cheek then touches his nose with a fingertip.

 

“He's perfect,” he whispers, bringing him up to press his lips against his son's cheek, then nuzzling him softly, careful not to scratch him with his scruffy stubble.

 

“You can take him and show him to the crew,” Karin says, and his eyes light up. He kisses her again and strolls slowly toward the door, eyes never leaving the bundle in his arms, and she smiles to herself as she watches him.

 

In the mess hall, all their closest friends are waiting, pacing nervously for news, even Joker is tapping against the table incessantly, when John walks in. All eyes are instantly on him. Ashley, Liara, and Tali all squeal and rush toward him, and soon they're all crowding around him to get a glimpse of the baby – even Javik. “What is the child's name,” the Prothean asks.

 

“Johnny,” he says. “Johnathan Reese Shepard the Second.” And for the first time, he's proud that his son will share his name. His bottom lip quivers as he stares at the baby in his arms, and he swipes the back of his hand across his eyes before any tears can fall.

 

“Congratulations, Shepard,” Garrus finally says, clapping him on the shoulder. “At least he's not as ugly as you!”

 

John laughs and agrees with his friend. “He's perfect,” he says.

 

“How's Karin,” Ash asks him.

 

“Exhausted,” he replies. “But tough as hell. She did great!” Novak comes to get him a moment later, and he takes Johnny back to his mother, then watches in awe as she attempts to nurse him for the first time. All along, he thought he would find this part uncomfortable, but it's just amazing to watch as her body offers their child sustenance. The human body certainly is a marvel. 

 

Once Johnny has been fed and Karin cleaned up and dressed, their friends come in to speak to her and offer their congratulations. Afterward, Dr. Quinlan gives permission for John to carry her upstairs to their cabin and promises to visit her the next day. They lay Johnny in the crib that John had assembled months ago, and he stands with his arms around her waist as they watch him sleeping. He presses his lips to her neck, “I love you,” he murmurs. “Thank you.”

 

“For what?”

 

“For giving me a son, making me a father. This... is the greatest gift I've ever received.”

 

She turns to face him, wrapping her arms around him. “I feel like he's a gift from you to me,” she says, smiling. “I love you, John.”

 

He kisses her softly and helps her into bed. “Can I get you anything?”

 

“Just come hold me for awhile. I'm so tired.”

 

“Anything you need,” he assures her.

 

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> If you're still reading this cheeseball at this point, then you've earned my absolute respect! :) Thanks for hanging around. Only one more chapter and an epilogue to go! Thanks for reading! 
> 
> Much love,   
> Elle


	15. Learning, Growing, Changing

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> John and Karin learn how to be parents by the sink or swim method.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Last actual chapter. Epilogue to follow! :)

Two hours.

 

That's all they get to sleep before Johnny wakes them with his wailing. John retrieves him from his crib and offers to change his diaper before letting Karin nurse him again. She's still drained, and he can't help with the feeding. This is something he can do. Never mind that he's never changed a diaper before in his entire life. How hard can it be, right?

 

He gets the diapers and wipes, and Karin spreads a blanket on top of the comforter in case there are any mishaps. He lays Johnny on the blanket then stares down at him with his hands on his hips for a moment. _I can do this,_ he thinks, ignoring the way Karin is smirking at him. Taking a deep breath, he pulls at the tabs of the diaper and opens it only to find it full of a mustard colored substance. “What the hell?”

 

“That's how it will look for the first several months, while hes exclusively breastfed,” she says. John nods and takes another deep breath. “Hold his feet in one hand and use the wipe with the other,” she instructs. He does as he's told and is making good progress until Johnny starts peeing all over them both. John grunts in frustration and mutters a curse while Karin laughs. He shoots her a look, but takes the baby's sleepwear off and cleans him with another wipe, quickly fastening a new diaper in place. Johnny is screaming in earnest now, and John mutters his apologies while he fumbles for a clean outfit for the child. It seems to take much longer than it should have, but at last, he's able to pass a clean and changed baby into his mother's arms so she can feed him. While he searches for some clean clothes for himself, he silently hopes that changing diapers will get easier.

 

They're up every two hours for the rest of the night, and changing diapers is already easier by morning. He figures out quickly that the best way to do it is to put the clean diaper under the dirty one so that the moment his bottom is cleaned up, he can pull the dirty away and cover the baby's penis before he can piss all over everything again. Just like in battle, timing is everything when it comes to changing a baby boy's diaper. Maybe he'll be able to handle this parenting thing after all.

 

After a week of being awoken every two hours all night long, he's completely fucking positive he can't handle the parenting thing. He's exhausted – body still recovering from his injuries even after all this time. Karin's body hasn't recovered from the birthing ordeal, and she's spending her days in their cabin taking care of Johnny and napping. John, however, is rolling out of bed at 0500 every morning to trudge through his day on less than five hours of sleep every night. It actually wasn't all that different during the war. The difference is that he doesn't have the adrenaline rushes to keep him going throughout the day.

 

He drinks coffee until he's jittery, instead.

 

Six weeks into being a dad, he's come to terms with the fact that he will never sleep again for the rest of his life. At least Karin has been cleared to go back to work and for more... strenuous activities. They're both so eager, they spend an entire one of their two hour sleeping blocks making love. It's beautiful and amazing and exhausting, and John wears a fucking condom for the first time in their relationship because neither of them are ready to repeat this experience any time soon. She started taking birth control, but they're not taking any chances yet.

 

Johnny is two months old when the relay finally starts working. Eight months after the war's end, what's left of the Fifth Fleet is in system within hours, including his mom's ship – the Orizaba. Hannah Shepard is excited to meet her grandchild, so John and Karin and Johnny prepare for their first family outing. Johnny has a tiny N7 hoodie that matches his father's, and Hannah cries as she holds him, telling them how he looks exactly as John did when he was a baby. Admiral Hackett also comes aboard and offers the couple congratulations, and they both revel in the almost normalcy of the whole thing. Hannah informs them that Joe and Jana, along with her family, were on the Citadel before the attack. It's possible that they're at one of the other settlements on the planet, but if John hasn't heard from them in the last eight months the chances that they survived are slim. They try to push the thoughts away and focus on what did survive. There would come a day when they knew for sure the fates of their family, and they could mourn then. Not today.

 

The fleets filter back into the system to pick up the members of their species that were abandoned at the end of the war. The newly formed Parliament that has been functioning as the main form of government for the last eight months meet with Hackett, the Council, and the various leaders of the other races to decide how to proceed from this point forward. In the end, they completely rework the system of galactic government deciding on a Galactic Council – one member of each species in the galaxy – that will preside over a Galactic Parliament with elected members from the various races. The Parliament will be the main governing body, making decisions and passing laws for the entire galaxy while the Council settles disputes and acts as a liaison between the Parliament and the people they're representing. Naturally, Shepard is nominated to be the human Councilor, and Karin encourages him to accept – so he does.

 

Scavenging the geth ships has netted them enough material to finally get the Normandy airborne again. The ship will now serve as his mobile office, at least until a more permanent place can be found to house the government. Teams had been scouring the Citadel for months looking for survivors and salvaging anything that would help the people on Earth survive. It had been noted right away that the keepers were working night and day to restore the Citadel to it's former glory. Every few weeks, another section of the station would light up as power was restored. After eight months, three of the five station arms were repaired and would be livable if not for the rubble that still remained on the station. The keepers seemed to ignore the sentient beings if all they were doing was removing rubble. The first order of the new Galactic Parliament was to send clean up crews to the station so that it could be reclaimed as the head of galactic power.

 

It became a common sight both aboard the Normandy and in the local settlement to see Commander Shepard wandering around with his infant son tucked into a baby carrier on his chest. John and Karin tried to split the parenting duties as much as possible. As Johnny got older and could go for longer periods of time without nursing, John carried him along when he had to go to meetings or wherever else his duties took him. To say that he loved spending time with his son was a colossal understatement. It amazed him how much personality the child had at only a few months of age. Johnny smiled and cooed when John talked to him, almost seeming to laugh whenever his dad cracked a stupid joke. He had a temper – like his father – and wasn't afraid to let it show when he wasn't getting his way. With the comm buoys back up and running, the media was going strong as ever, and pictures of the Savior of the Galaxy with his son and wife were constantly the top story on the nightly news broadcasts.

 

Eventually the day came that they had to start saying goodbye to their friends. Johnny was three months old, when Tali said her goodbyes to the people who had been more of a family to her than any other people in her life had ever been. John actually had tears in his eyes as he said goodbye to the quarian, astounded at the change that had overcome the young woman in the four years that he'd known her. She held Johnny and nuzzled her helmet against his pudgy cheek as she cried. John and Karin promised to come visit her on Rannoch as soon as her house was finished. In the end it would be two full years before they saw her again.

 

Garrus was next. This was going to be the hardest goodbye for John. Garrus was his best friend in the universe. The two of them had hit it off immediately when they'd met years ago, and the only person he'd ever been closer to was Karin. The two men just stared at each other for a minute before John pulled him into a brusque hug. Garrus was startled for a minute before returning the embrace. “Goodbye, John,” he said.

 

“Later Garrus.”

 

The turian held his godson and hugged Karin before leaving. They spoke on the vid comm every week, and tried to get together every other month. It was safe to say that they kept the most contact with Garrus of all the old team.

 

Javik and Liara left together to return to Thessia. Javik helped her write a book about his life and the Prothean empire. After a few years, John got word from the asari that the Prothean had taken his own life. Though saddened, John wasn't all that surprised, and he honestly couldn't blame the guy. Everyone he'd ever known and loved was dead – fifty thousand years dead – and he'd never allowed himself to develop a connection to the Normandy's crew. The team came together two years after the war to give the man a memorial.

 

Most of the Alliance crew remained in the military – except for Shepard and Karin. Since John had taken the position of Councilor, they'd both retired from the Alliance, though Karin often complained that, despite all his hard work and accomplishments, John had never risen above the rank of Lieutenant Commander. It didn't seem to bother the man himself, however. When one arm of the Citadel was ready to live in, John and Karin moved into a new apartment, every bit as large and grand as the one Anderson had left them, and Ashley was promoted to Major and given command of the Normandy. She was currently humanity's only Spectre, but James was working his ass off to complete N7 training. His name had already been put forth as a Spectre candidate.

 

Three years after the war's end, John and Karin are busy chasing a wild, black haired, blue eyed toddler who looks like a miniature version of his father and is determined to get into as much trouble as he possibly can, keeping them both plenty exhausted, but they wouldn't have traded this life for anything. The sacrifices they'd made during the war had made all this possible, and they can finally start to relax as the galaxy continues to right itself.

 

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thanks for hanging in!
> 
> Much love,   
> Elle


	16. Epilogue

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> John and Karin look toward the future.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I decided to go ahead and post the final two chapters in one day so that you weren't in anticipation of this trifling little epilogue until Friday! :)

John has his nose buried in a report on the new proposed military appropriations bill. A thrilling subject to be sure. The role of human Councilor has morphed over the years from simply helping the rest of the Council preside over the Galactic Parliament to being – in essence – the ruler of humanity. It's not something he's striven for, but his seeming inability to say 'No' to anyone has thrust him into this role.

 

Johnny careens into his home office waving a toy Normandy in one hand and a stuffed, plush Urdnot Wrex in the other – both gifts from his third birthday party a few days ago. “Daddy!”

 

Shepard scoops the child into his arms and plants a raspberry kiss on his neck, eliciting a squeal of excitement from the boy. “What are you and mommy up to?” John asks, and his son goes into an elaborate story about killing thresher maws on Tuchanka. Grinning, John knows he will have to give Garrus a hard time about filling his son's head with such wild stories.

 

“Mommy is sick,” Johnny says nonchalantly before jumping down and running back out of the office.

 

Frowning, John rises and goes off to find his wife. Her head hangs over the toilet bowl, resting on her forearm, and he kneels beside her. “Honey? What's going on?”

 

Her sickness takes over again, and he waits patiently for her to finish, retrieving a cold washcloth and a glass of water for her when she's done. Lifting her off the floor, he pulls her into his arms and kisses her forehead.

 

“Something you ate?” he prods.

 

“No... John...” She looks up at him, green eyes meeting blue, face pale, and his heart lurches in his chest.

 

“Again?”

 

“Again," she smiles. "I think it will be a girl this time."

 

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thanks so much for reading and for the comments and kudos. I hope you all enjoyed this story! It was super sappy in parts, but I thought the subject matter warranted that. I make no apologies! ;) 
> 
> Come visit me on tumblr: ellebeedarling.tumblr.com
> 
> Much love,   
> Elle


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